Love's Ransom

One Step Away From An Airplane

2012-03-08T22:12:00.000-06:00

Its been an emotionally charged week, to say the least! But through it all, God remains good. And constant. Even when all else fails.

When people fail.

When I fail.

When circumstances are out of my control.

When loving arms can only reach so far.

When waiting any longer seems impossible.

When life is generally hard. And it hurts.

God is good. His is Love. And Love NEVER fails.

Today (although undeniably a bit overwhelming) brought some good news. I am one step closer to bringing Samantha home!!! Today I received my verbal referral!! Now my paperwork sits on a desk waiting for a signature, and as soon as that signature happens I will be permitted to travel to meet Samantha! Other families in my situations have waited weeks for this signature, but I am going to ask my loving friends and family to pray with all trust and boldness that I will have that written approval as soon as possible.

Samantha needs this process to move along quickly so she can start living. Let's pray and trust that God also wants this for her. Because I know He does!

Thank you all for your loving support. God has set me in an incredible family (blood and otherwise). I'm so thankful to Him for being mindful of me in this way. It is because of all of you that I am able to bring this sweet baby home. May God bless you for loving us the way you do.

The Kingdom

2012-03-08T00:53:00.000-06:00

Praying for God's Kingdom to Prevail.

He can still do ANYTHING.

It tapped me on the shoulder today when I got home
I saw everything collecting dust
It made me hope there was something more
I pour over pages, desperate to find out why
The cripple at your table has what I'm longing to find

Teach me how to hum it
Because I don't know the words yet

Help me see the light
I'm reaching through the fight
Yahweh, show me the Kingdom
Arms open wide
Death swallowed up by life
Yahweh, show me the Kingdom

Why are some women barren
While the wicked's house is full
The stories never seem to end
Give me evidence I'm not alone
You said the weak would be lifted up
But maybe just not yet
So while I wait in this flesh and blood
I'll learn to lean in

Help me see the light
I'm reaching through the fight
Yahweh, show me the Kingdom
Arms open wide
Death swallowed up by life
Yahweh, show me the Kingdom

Battle Lines Are Drawn!! And a God-Blessed Event

2012-03-05T16:41:00.001-06:00

First things first.

I can hardly even keep up with all God had been doing! You all just HAVE to read this post. As Susanna says, the battle lines have been drawn! Its time to go public about that orphanage. Please read and pray, pray, PRAY!! This is the long-awaited moment in time that all these tiny, powerless children have been waiting for. Satan will surely fight back. He doesn't want these children to be released from His grip. He doesn't want the LORD to be glorified. But armies of angels are battling mercilessly on behalf of all 240 children and the enemy WILL NOT WIN!! Please consider joining with families adopting from Samantha's orphanage as we fast and pray tomorrow. THIS IS IT!!!

And what perfect timing...again! Right when this battle was reaching epic proportions, Susanna was writing the blog you just read, and I was sharing the story of that orphanage to hundreds of faithful, tenderhearted Christians who gathered together to worship and to celebrate the LORD's impending VICTORY! What a blessed night it was.

Here are a few highlights:

A schnazzy display made by friend, Tenise.

My beautiful nieces, pictured for the first time with their cousin, Samantha!

People pouring in to hear the story!!

The altar area, decorated and ready to go!

Richard, a dear friend, came all the way from Ord, Nebraska to talk about God's heart for the orphan. Please keep Richard and his wife Tenise, and their girls in your prayers as they are now in the beginning of the adoption process themselves! Love you, Bogus family!

I hadn't seen my friend, Ben, for a few years, but ran into him a just weeks before the event. After hearing about he and his wife, Renee's recent adoption of two little girls from foster care, I just knew they needed to be included in the Love's Ransom Event. Thank you so much for sharing!

And then it was my turn to share what God has been doing for me and Samantha. I love that He is receiving glory for the miracles He is doing over and over again to bring Samantha home.

After the event we had a reception downstairs with booths where people could talk to experts about foster care and adoption. Thank you Katie for coming and representing Lutheran Family Services.

This is part of the foster care table, picturing my friends (and neighbors) who have adopted 5 special needs kiddos from the Nebraska foster care system. Shout out to Daniel for the lolly pop tree!

Another beautiful display by Tenise featuring the stories of many adopting families, and calling for prayer and support for them.

Reece's Rainbow table!!! Featuring the faces of many beautiful children waiting for families. Who can resist these precious children of God!

My mom, dad, and sisters all worked together to create a BEAUTIFUL display of these pink cupcakes in honor of Samantha's 7th birthday.

One of the highlights of my evening was when 4 little girls (sisters) donated money from their own piggy banks for Samantha's care fund. SUCH a beautifully touching moment. And 4 beautiful little hearts. Please keep this family in your prayers as they are in the process of adopting a little girl from India. They are praying that they will receive good news THIS Wednesday. Please pray along with them. Their little girl has been waiting a long time and needs to come home to her family!

I also need to say thank you to friends Esther and Jared for leading us in worship. Boy were people singing along with you! What a sweet sound. I know this was a foretaste of the feast to come.

Thank you also to friend, Bethany, who gathered volunteers and worked hard and long to decorate, set up, and generally keep things running smoothly.

AND, last but not least (and I'm sure I'm missing people!!!) a BIG THANK YOU to the people of Jacob's Well. You were the hands and feet of Jesus yesterday. Thank you for serving us. I feel so incredibly blessed by you.

Ok, one last thing...and this really is the last one! THANK YOU friends and family! You have been such a tremendous part of the miraculous story that God is weaving together. Thank you for your generosity. Thank you for loving me and Samantha.

Love to all of you.

Make that FULLY FUNDED!!!!

2012-03-01T20:16:00.000-06:00

Praise the Lord with me, friends!!!!

Samantha Love's adoption is fully funded!!!

Wow!! Wow!!! and WOW!!!!

Thank you all so much!!!!

Almost there!!!!!!

2012-03-01T19:59:00.000-06:00

Because of a very generous gift from friends today, Samantha's ransom is VERY. NEARLY. PAID!!!!!

Friends, we are definitely going to make that goal!! Just $633 away!!!

Thank you so much for your continued generosity. I know we will be celebrating a full grant fund this Sunday night.

Love to you all.

In Less Than One Week...

2012-02-28T00:15:00.001-06:00

In less than one week I hope to be seeing many of you at the Loves Ransom Event!!

I cannot even believe all that God has done just in the preparation of this event. If He has been this faithful even now, I can only imagine what He might have in store for us on March 4th!

Check out this post for more information on the "what" and "where". And feel free to leave me a comment if you have ANY questions. I'd be so happy to respond.

I'm also continuing to hope and pray that Samantha's ransom will be PAID IN FULL by March 4th. I realize that, humanly speaking, this is a lot to ask. But this is nothing to our God who can do ANYTHING.Will you please join me in praying and spreading the word about this goal? Then, when we gather on March 4th, we will be able to celebrate what God has done and direct our attention and resources to other adopting families and the needs of precious orphans around the world. We can do this!! We're only $4,753 away from the goal!

And friends, I know I don't even have to say it, but...

Will you continue to pray for my sweet girl? Pray for her health and wellbeing. For her little heart, that it would know way down deep that LOVE is on the way. Pray that her most basic needs will be cared for, even against all odds. Pray that her paperwork would be approved quickly and that I would be able to travel to meet her within the month. And pray for her mama as she waits.

You all are THE best friends. Thanks for loving me and Sam. We love you, too.

Happy Birthday to My Favorite 7-Year-Old!

2012-02-16T15:58:00.000-06:00

What a bittersweet day this is. Although I am thousands of miles away from Samantha, and unable to hold her or care for her today, this birthday still gives me cause to celebrate. I'm thankful today for Sam's life; that her birth mom chose to carry her to full term. I'm thankful that Sam's premature birth and low birthweight necessitated spending her first 3 months in the hospital (this is most likely the reason she is as healthy as she is). I'm thankful that God has moved many mountains on her behalf. I'm thankful that the day is approaching when I will be able to meet her, and hold her, and sing to her.

I'm thankful that Samantha is bringing light to what has been a difficult time of year for my family. (Check out my sister, Katie's, blog post today)

And I am thankful that this is the LAST birthday this sweet little girl will spend in an orphanage, in a crib, without love. Please pray for my little girl today, and every time you think of her. Your prayers are carrying her home!

And pray also for all of the kiddos who wait for families to come and rescue them. On the wall, behind my 7-year-old's birthday balloons, are the photo's of 17 children from Sam's orphanage. One beautiful little girl has made it home so far, and we pray each of these little ones will be following soon. Please pray especially for these children's health as many are very small and suffering from the effects of long-term malnutrition.

Thank you all for your continued prayers and generosity. I've been excitedly watching that fundraising meter go up each day, and am so happy and confident that God is going to raise Sam's ransom. You all amaze me.

Keep telling people about March 4th! You all will not even believe everything God is doing on behalf of this event. It is so evident that He has a message He wants us to hear, and that this topic is close to His heart. Please come! And invite a friend. I know we will all be blessed.

Thanks Be To God!!!

2012-02-14T16:10:00.000-06:00

Check out that thermometer!!!

God is doing it, y'all! I think we really might make our goal before March 4th!

Please continue to share Sam's story, and come Calvary on March 4th to celebrate! Thank you to everyone who has given. You are paying the ransom for a little girl who will soon be released to start LIVING!

Love to you.

It's Go Time! AND, Love's Ransom (The Event)

2012-02-11T12:47:00.000-06:00

Friends and Family,

I am so happy to announce to all of you that it is now, officially, GO TIME!

Samantha's dossier is in Eastern Europe, just waiting to be translated and approved. And just as soon as that approval is written in ink, I'll be permitted to travel to meet her!

This means we may have only a matter of weeks left to raise Samantha's ransom. Possible? Yes! Absolutely, yes.

God has been so faithful already in this matter (and in everything!) that I have no doubt He will do this.

If you are so led, here's how you can help...Please spread the word about this date:

March 4th has significance for 2 very important reasons. (1) This is the goal I have set to be fully funded. This means, we need to raise $7,950 in the next 22 days. (2) My church and I will be hosting a celebration, to which I am so excited to invite all of you (and your moms, brothers, friends, cousins, dogs)!

Love's Ransom (The Event)will include a telling of Samantha's story-so-far, a time of worship led by guests from the Lincoln Berean College ministry, information from various agencies on how to help orphans around the world (including those right in our backyard), and of course, there will be lots of food and a birthday cake to celebrate sweet Samantha's 7th birthday!

I anticipate that God is going to do GREAT THINGS through this event. Please consider joining us, and inviting anyone whose heart might benefit from hearing about the goodness of God, or who might be interested in learning more about the miracle of adoption.

*If you know of anyone who is currently in the process of adoption, and who could use prayer/support, please email me with their story in 1-2 paragraphs and a photo of their family. I will make these profiles available to guests so we can help spread the word and help more precious children come home!

**Click on the "Love's Ransom (The Event)" link for an address and map of the event.

Growing Pains

2012-02-06T01:07:00.000-06:00

In my Bible study this past week, we read a quote that compared the growth of our Christian faith with the growth of an old Oak Tree. The author explained that, contrary to what I would have thought, Oak Trees do not reach their great size by way of slow and constant growth. Rather, they experience 3 or 4 weeks of rapid growth each year, followed by a time of solidification.

Without exaggeration, this adoption journey over the last several weeks has taken me through some of the highest highs and lowest lows I've ever experienced. I've witnessed miracles first hand, the likes of which I'd previously only dreamt of seeing. And I've felt a true and deep sadness over the depth of sin in the world, and over arms that will remain yet empty for several months to come.

As hard as it is to step back and get some perspective, I'm choosing to look at myself from the outside in tonight. And what I'm able to see (at least in this moment!) is that this pain; the tears that flow unexpectedly, the heavy heart, the empty arms, the anxious feeling in my gut...its all necessary. It's growing pains. God is preparing me for the biggest, grandest challenge of my life so far. This period of rapid growth, I expect, will leave me leaning more and more heavily on my Heavenly Father. It will make me more and more wise to the devil's schemes. It will increase the love and appreciation I have for my sweet daughter and all that she has suffered and all that she will overcome.

They don't call them growing pains for nothing.

And of course, I must update you all on my progress toward Sam! Please let these bullets also serve as prayer requests. We need to continue to cover every aspect of this journey with prayer!

After more than a week's worth of glitches, Samantha's dossier is finally COMPLETE! In fact, I mailed it to Iowa last week, to a mother who will be hand delivering it to my attorney this week. Praise the Lord that she, and two other parents have arrived safely in Sam's country and will be meeting their little ones tomorrow for the very first time.
Please pray that God will mightily use these three parents this week in the orphanage and that they would have the opportunity to visit, pray over, hug, and take pictures of any or all of the 16 children who have families waiting to bring them home. Selfishly, I would love to have some updated pictures of my Sam. And even better than a photo would be the news that one of these parents was able to hold her and tell me how she is doing...or anything about her at all! I so long to to know her...any little tidbit would be a sweet comfort to me during this time of waiting.
Pray for my heart and my emotional health. God has been incredibly good to me, and I know this. But need His refreshing.
Pray that I would not lose focus, that I would remain faithful in prayer and in quiet times with the Lord, and that God would give me wisdom in how best to prepare for Samantha's arrival.

Thank you all again, so much, for your prayers.

Stay tuned for an update later this week on a fundraiser, and an opportunity to raise awareness about adoption. There is something in the works!

AND, if you haven't already...I recommend you read this. Be sure to read the whole post. I cannot get enough of this story!

Love to you all.

Find You On My Knees

2012-01-24T23:05:00.000-06:00

God answers prayers.

His timing is perfect.

There is simply no other explanation.

Every delay this adoption has met so far was proved this week to be absolutely necessary. Down to the day.

Samantha's profile appearing, disappearing, and reappearing on the Reece's Rainbow website months ago, delaying my initial commitment to her by several weeks
Key players at the adoption agency being out of the office due to surgery and the birth of a baby
A background check from California that seemed like it would never come, delaying the completion of my home study for weeks.
12 hours of Hague accredited course work that turned out to be the wrong 12 hours and had to be completed again.
A homestudy that was lost in internet-world for 3 weeks, waiting to be edited, delaying my ability to begin dossier paperwork
Documents that I thought were finished were declined by our state capital, needing to be completed again.
Three trips to the doctor's office before finally getting a proper medical clearance
And several I've-never-seen-that-befores all along the way

With each delay, I must confess I wondered what God was doing. I wept, not just out of frustration, but out of desperation. "Why, God, would you allow this to happen?! My daughter is wasting away in an orphanage! You know she needs to come home to her mother so she can start healing. And I know that You can do this. So how long must I leave her there?"

Even though I know that God loves my daughter more than I do, I would quickly resort to begging. "Please God. Please have mercy on her!" (as if He wasn't!)

And then it happened.

After waiting nearly five months for Samantha's file to arrive (the biggest delay of all!), I was faced with the dark reality that all of the paperwork I'd been working on for months was already getting old. If her file did not surface, the agency was going to be forced to send me profiles of other waiting children.

I have never been so devastated in all of my life. For two days I felt nearly hopeless. "God is this what you want?" I would ask. "If this is truly your will, I will follow You. But I just don't believe that You want to leave her there!"

I resigned myself to crying and waiting. And more crying.

And then Susanna sent out a plea asking for fervent prayers.

And I started receiving encouraging notes from friends. One, from my friend Sara, read:

I am praying and sending our plea to others. Keep trusting, Grace. Shut out all doubt. This means war.

At this point something inside of me finally snapped, waking me up to the true reality of God. I do not worship a God who is unable to fight for me and my daughter. My God can do anything! I must pray to Him with all trust and hope. And I must NOT let myself give in to sorrow (in other words, I can't let myself go back to that dark place where I was lingering before). I decided at that moment to trust God with Samantha' life. And this is not to say that her life depended on my decision to trust, but that my life did.

And so I began to pray as if my life depended on it.

For four days I prayed in anticipation of a meeting that was to happen in Sam's country, not knowing if the outcome of this meeting would affect our adoption process, but hoping it would.

And SO many of you prayed with me. SOOOO many.

And those prayers literally changed my life and my view of God. I have never ever experienced Him the way I did in those days of intense prayer. I have never approached Him with such trust and expectancy. I have never believed so fully in His love and POWER.

When God answered our prayers, and delivered Sam's file, right at the time of that meeting, I finally was able to wrap my pea-brain around God's perfect timing. Every single delay I have experienced was leading up to this moment. If everything had gone as I'd wanted, my dossier would have been ready weeks, maybe even months before Samantha's file was found. And I would have been faced with an impossible decision. But He knew. And He acted.

So today, as I visited my doctor once again to update an expired medical clearance, as I waited at the police station for a new background check, and as I walked out of the state capitol with with a stack of 9 documents, still not apostilled because of a computer glitch...I couldn't help but think, "It must not have been the right time, huh God? I'll try again tomorrow. You know best."

And He does.

Every prayer, EVERY SINGLE PRAYER A YES!!!!!

2012-01-18T11:12:00.000-06:00

Ya'll.

This is new territory for me.

God has never been so close, so real as HE is now.

Read this.

And then thank the LORD ON HIGH for being faithful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! All glory. All honor. All praise be HIS forever.

And now, another look at my favorite little face.

He Did It!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2012-01-18T09:05:00.000-06:00

I woke up at 6:30 am to pray.

By 7:35 my phone was alerting me to a new e-mail.

An email titled, "We have the file!"

I have never experienced such a clear, bold, direct, and perfectly timed answer from God. If anyone has ever had ANY doubt that HE loves us and hears us, let me tell you right now, HE IS GOOD!!!

I'm not a good pray-er. My focus is easily lost. My flesh is weak. I am often burdened with doubts in the One who answers prayers.

But this is how I can know that He is good.

He works despite me.

Sometime tonight or tomorrow I will have my daughter's file. Do y'all know what that means? I get to introduce her to all of you!!!

Here she is: Samantha Love

This is the sweet little face you all have been loving and praying for. This is my daughter.

I have SO much more to tell you all, but for now, I'll just say thank you. Thank you a million times over for praying.

Love to you.

One Little World Can Fell Him

2012-01-17T22:57:00.000-06:00

Thank you for your continued prayers. He will NOT win.

URGENT! Pray-ers Needed. Please Spread the Word.

2012-01-14T18:59:00.001-06:00

I received some troubling news tonight.

I've been praying all day today, and will continue to pray constantly until Wednesday.

Now to add more and more faithful people to our numbers.

We need as many people as possible on their knees before the Hope of the World. The lives of MANY children depend on it.

Pray in the Spirit.

Pray without ceasing.

HE knows the details.

Until We Know With Certainty...Please Pray

2012-01-13T16:56:00.002-06:00

Ok folks.

While I still cannot post details about what is going on in Sam's country (and I continue to know so very little, anyway) I want to urge you all to keep praying. Please, please pray without ceasing!

From where I sit, as a mere sinful human being, there are major obstacles standing in the way of Samantha's adoption. This has been a week full of tears and questions with no answers. It has also been a week of stretching, growing, and leaning in close to hear God's voice.

Despite being emotionally drained and completely jumpy at the sound of my phone's e-mail alert as I wait for news, I have been so very aware of God's presence these last several days. I've also become readily aware of my own lack of faith in this very present God. I believe with all of my heart that He can do whatever He wants. But I have not believed in the work He is doing at present.

Today, if you want to pray for me specifically, please pray that I would believe and not doubt that God is at work answering my prayers for Samantha. Pray that the Spirit would give me peace in knowing that just because I don't know the answer yet, doesn't mean that He doesn't have one. And pray that I will take comfort in knowing that He will let me in on all He's been doing at just the right time.

For Samantha, please pray with all trust and boldness that her file will arrive THIS WEEK. Please ask anyone and everyone you know to pray along with us. I cannot express to you how important this is. Someday, when I can disclose all of the details of her miraculous adoption story, we will stand in amazement of our great God who can do anything. Who stopped at nothing to rescue one precious, chosen child. But for now...please pray.

Susanna mentioned on her last post that there were people fasting and praying over the special needs children in Sam's country, and for the meeting that will happen on Wednesday morning. I've been thinking a lot about the power of prayer, and what a beautiful picture it is that people are on their knees all around this country (an beyond!) for these children, and particularly for my daughter. There will be a group of people fasting and praying in Lincoln from Saturday until the meeting in Eastern Europe on Wednesday morning. If you would like to participate, for even part of the time, please take a look at this excerpt from the "The Celebration of Discipline" on the discipline of fasting.

Thank you, Body of Christ. I would be lost without you.

God Can Do Whatever He Wants

2012-01-12T14:49:00.004-06:00

God can do whatever He wants.

Our human limitations are not a reflection of His ability. Only a greater indication of our need for Him.

I need to learn to pray accordingly.

And I would also ask you to pray.

There have arisen many delays in the adoptions of children with special needs from Samantha's orphanage. The delay in Sam's adoption specifically, concerning her file, has reached emergency status. There are details that I unfortunately cannot share at this time, but the Spirit knows all about them and will intercede, if you will only pray. Pray that God will make a way for all of these children to get home. And especially pray for Samantha, that God would show Himself faithful on her behalf, and that His Holy Spirit would give me a heart that wants His will, and His will alone.

I am also told that there are people who will be fasting and praying about a meeting that is to take place next Wednesday morning in Samantha's country (I believe this will be a meeting of government officials). I do not know details, but I know that "this meeting could affect many children in need of families."

Finally, please pray that the medical needs of waiting children be met without delay! Susanna, from theblessingofverity.com blog, posted that there are exciting steps being taken in the right direction. She says to "Please pray for continued strong motivation on the parts of those who have offered to help, until the children are receiving the medical intervention they need!"

In this time of need God has been teaching me, through various means, about prayer. One such lesson happened yesterday through a devotion a friend shared with me from Sarah Young's book, Jesus Calling. It said:

When you bring Me prayer requests, lay out your concerns before Me. Speak to Me candidly; pour out your heart. Then thank Me for the answers that I have set into motion long before you can discern the results. When your requests come to mind again, continue to thank Me for the answers that are on the way. If you keep on stating your concerns to Me, you will live in a state of tension. When you thank Me for how I am answering your prayers, your mind-set becomes much more positive. Thankful prayers keep your focus on My Presence and My promises.

I heard something similar in a sermon I was watching online the other day, and can't help but think that was no coincidence. God doesn't need me to come to Him begging, as if I am asking a favor from someone who doesn't really know me or like me. I should pray to him expectantly, with a thankful heart, because He faithfully answers and comes to my aid. I should praise Him that He has heard me, and has already deployed armies of angels to fight for Samantha. And I should keep praying, not because He didn't hear me the first time, but because I need to align my heart with His.

Thank you for being in this with me.

Love to you.

Take A Look At The Fundraising Thermometer

2012-01-06T10:38:00.000-06:00

Because of the generosity of several friends, including two friends who are tithing their income each month toward the adoption, I was able to add an additional $3,000 to the thermometer!! This money has already been used toward paying down my adoption loan. (Very cool to be able to start doing that already!)

Thank you, thank you, thank you everyone for donating toward Samantha Love's Ransom. I can now say that we are officially MORE than half-way there!

And the same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from His glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19

He's Made A Way For Us To Walk In

2012-01-05T12:16:00.001-06:00

As promised, there are some incredible ways that we can now help all of the children in Samantha's orphanage. ALL of them!

The Baba Programme would be a GREAT place to start. In fact, before you read the rest of this post, please go and read this page of their website, under the title, "We Can Make A Difference". Seriously. Please read it.

Although the Baba Programme is not a complete solution to such a deep need, it is a great start! 10 hours a week with a grandmother-type-figure may just be enough to help some of these little ones hang on until a forever family comes to find them. On days when the children are visited by their baba, they will receive an extra diaper change. They'll be gently cleaned and held, talked to and loved. They may receive gifts from the baba's home. They'll be given extra (very much needed) food.

I'd say a donation to the Baba Programme is money well spent!

The INCREDIBLE mothers from my yahoo group have uncovered some other ways we can help, in addition to the Baba Programme. For more information, please email Stephanie at nusker1@hotmail.com.

And of course, it goes without saying that the very best thing we can do for these children is work toward bringing them home.

Please continue to pray that families would line up to receive each and every child upon their release.
Consider helping to financially support families who are bringing children home.
And, if the Lord is stirring your heart, please heed his voice and consider opening your heart and home.

Thank you again and again for everything you all are doing for Samantha. My heart is full!

Love to you all.

She Has A Name!!!!

2012-01-04T15:33:00.000-06:00

Oh my goodness friends, I am a wreck! But in a good way. Some of the moms in my yahoo group have been busy at work today, making contact with people in Samantha's country. They sent a picture of Samantha, as well as her Reece's Rainbow name, "Kami" and were able to find out that SAMANTHA HAS A BABA!!!! Her Baba is quite new, but reports that my Sam has great potential! My mama's heart is so proud :) This means that she is being held, her diaper being changed more frequently, and that her baba will bring her additional food! Praise Jesus that HE is answering prayers and opening doors, not only for Samantha, but for all of the children in her orphanage. God is breaking the chains and setting the captives free. PRAISE HIM!!!

Also, I now know her birth name! I can't post it here, but still had to share. This just makes everything that much more real.

I will write more later, when my head is not spinning, because there is a way all of you can help!

Love to you.

Adoption and Sanctification

2012-01-03T02:34:00.001-06:00

Adoption: Proceed With Caution!

I read this blog post by Adeye and her husband only a few hours ago. While I'd meant to be asleep by now, I'm still thinking about it, and feel a tug to share my thoughts with all of you. Adeye and Anthony's post is a very important dose of reality to people who are either adopting or considering the adoption of an institutionalized child.

I am reminded (again) tonight that I need to strip away any and all expectations I may have had for my Samantha. I need to prepare myself to welcome her home and love her as she is. Even if she can't love me back. (At least not right away.)

Cute as she is, my little girl has been neglected and mistreated for years.

She lives in an institution.

She is incarcerated in a crib, day and night.

Her cognition has already been irreversibly damaged by malnutrition. Her body will try to catch up, but the damage to her brain is permanent. She will likely be severely delayed.

She may have acquired Institutional Autism.

She may suffer from an Attachment Disorder.

She may have developed strange habits in order to comfort and stimulate her brain: rocking back and forth or banging her head against the crib. She may chew on her fingers or wrists.

It's possible that she will not want to be hugged, or even touched at all. She may have to learn to enjoy my touch over time.

She will need all manner of therapy when she gets home...speech, physical, occupational.

She will very likely spend the rest of her life in my home, needing full-time care.

All of this to say that I understand this adoption is no small thing. There will be MANY times when I simply do not know what I'm doing. There will be frustration. There will LOTS of tears. There will probably even be times when I grieve the loss of my care-free-travel-the-world-do-as-I-wish independence.

BUT.

I also understand that the same God who created the world, and raised my Savior Jesus from the dead, LIVES INSIDE OF ME. And there is no limit to His ability. His love for Sam (and me) goes on and on...forever.

So for now, I'll continue to educate myself. And more importantly, train myself to trust the Almighty. He can do what I cannot.

The Psychologist who did the mental health evaluation for my home study introduced me to an author and theologian I'm now surprised I'd never heard of before, Henry Nouwen. After my evaluation, he graciously sent me a copy of one of Nouwen's books, entitled, "Adam: God's Beloved". This incredible book details the last 10 years of Mr. Nouwen's life, in which he dedicated himself to the service of a severely handicapped young man. While some people questioned Nouwen's choice to give up his career in the Ivy League in exchange for life with Adam, Nouwen insisted that Adam was the greatest teacher of his lifetime. He credited Adam as giving him a deeper understanding of the gospel of Jesus.

I often think of Henry and Adam as I imagine my new life with Samantha. I suspect, in some ways, she'll understand the world better than I do. And I expect she'll see the Lord more clearly than I, with a purer heart. And as I seek to care for her, as Adam did for Mr. Nouwen, she will make me more holy. She will help me to see God.

I know life with Samantha will have its challenges. But I welcome those challenges, and I welcome the opportunity to draw nearer to the Lord through them. And through her.

Thank you all for your continued, generous, overwhelming love and support. I am so, so blessed.

Love to you.

Confirmation and Praying Home the Orphan

2011-12-23T22:59:00.000-06:00

Today God used an unexpected gift and phone call from a friend to COMPLETELY CONFIRM that HE is FOR Samantha, and is working hard on her (and my) behalf.

"I've been reading your blog...I cry every time I read it..."

"I can't think of anyone who would be a better mother to that little girl..."

"My dad and I would like to make a donation toward your adoption..."

I won't tell you her name (you know who you are), because I don't want to embarrass her, but I do want to say THANK YOU! It does my heart so much good to have so much loving support. Its as if God is reminding me that this was always His idea, and He'll see it through.

In other news, I want to encourage you all to check out this blog post by an incredible woman and adoptive mother. Adeye's story was a huge inspiration to me when back when I was first considering adoption. I continue to read her blog on a regular basis as she has become a great "teacher" on all things adoption and Down Syndrome. One of her daughters came home from an orphanage in Eastern Europe in a condition similar to Katie Musser, and nineteen months later, is living proof of what love and family can do. Adeye is an incredible advocate for orphans around the world. Her efforts have helped to find families for many children, and raise funds for many more. This post is an urgent plea on behalf of several orphaned children who are running out of time to find a family. From teenagers who are aging out of the system and will soon be sent to live in the streets, to a tiny little boy with Down Syndrome who may not be able to fight for his life much longer. Please share the stories of these children wherever possible! And pray that God will show himself powerful on their behalf.

You faithfully answer our prayers with awesome deeds, O God our savior. You are the hope of everyone on earth. Psalm 65:5

Look What God Did Today!

2011-12-20T19:56:00.000-06:00

I just read this blog post from Susanna, adoptive mother of little Katie who I've written about several times on this blog. Check this out and see how God is moving on behalf of Samantha and all of the children in her orphanage.

I don't yet know all of the implications of this change, but it very well could mean that all of these kiddos will begin to receive proper care until their families come to find them.

Susanna won't say as much on her blog, but this GREAT news is due in large part to her and her friend Toni, who were the first to finally report the terrible conditions as well as the criminal abuse happening in this orphanage. I'm praising God for these ladies tonight, and for the work He has done in and through them.

He Hears Us

2011-12-17T23:51:00.001-06:00

I was invited several weeks ago to join a private yahoo group for moms adopting from Samantha's orphanage. I had no idea at the time what a blessing this group would prove to be. Not only has it been a way to stay up to date on what is happening at the orphanage and with other adopting families, but tonight, it seems to have become SO much more. Tonight, another mother who will be traveling to Samantha's country very soon to visit her daughter for the first time, offered to look for Samantha and see first-hand how she is doing!!! AND, if the Lord opens doors for her, she will also do some investigative work and ask questions about Samantha's file! This is a PRECISE answer to a prayer I have been praying and asking others to pray. Thank you, JESUS!!!!

In other news, the Lord has been showering me with blessing upon blessing. Samantha's grant fund is up by more than $1,000. And as I previously blogged, my dear friends from Ord were here today. Oh. My. Goodness. They bless me. Again and again and again, the Lord uses these friends to show me His downright extravagant love. Richard and Tenise, as well as my friends Sara and Jim (also from Ord) have very nearly funded this entire project. I seriously need to pinch myself to see if all of this is really happening. Who could love me and Samantha THAT much? I don't understand it, but I'm so thankful. I also owe many thanks to the Lutheran Chapel for all of the work they put in knocking down walls and cutting out the window and door so beautifully. And Daniel, who has been pitching in throughout the last couple of weeks. He and Mikey and I had a great time this morning preparing the cupboards to come down. I owe a HUGE thank you to Todd who has already put hours and hours (and days and days) into this project. Thank you so much Todd, and thank you Deb for letting me borrow your husband! There is no way this work would get done without you.

And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. Ephesians 3:18-19

Here's Todd and Daniel removing the existing cupboards from the kitchen.

These puppies have seen better days.

Rust. Dents. Layers of paint.

And behind and underneath it all? LOTS of mouse droppings, mold and mildew, a combination plastic/plaster/? wall and floor. I am so glad we decided to do replace the cupboards. I was originally planning on a much simpler project, but I'm very glad to see this mess gone!

And now, where that mess used to be...is a brand new wall!!!! And beautiful new cabinets :) Isn't it coming along nicely? And I even got to help! Richard taught me how to use a drill today, so I got to screw in some drywall. I LOVED it. Who knew drywall could be so fun :) (Granted, I got to do all the easy work...)

The closet is coming along nicely! I have a new wall up in my bedroom. And best of all, a lot of my tree mural will still be visible inside the closet. It actually looks pretty cool.

And here's the new window into the kitchen. How cool is this?! It really opens up the whole house. This is going to make such a huge difference when Samantha is home, eating at the table or playing in the living room.

I also have a prayer request for you all. There is a woman, Toni, in Samantha's country who is hugely important in the process of rescuing children from Samantha's orphanage. She is a lawyer and a missionary who works with adoptive families. Satan has really been attacking Toni's health throughout this whole process and she is not doing very well right now. Please pray that Satan would have NO POWER over her, her body, or her family. Pray for healing, and that she would be able to continue in the strong work God has been doing through her.

Thank you all so much for all you are doing for Samantha. I cannot even count the ways we have been blessed by you.

Love to you all.

Thank you Thank you Thank you

2011-12-16T23:50:00.000-06:00

Friends, I just have to say thank you to each of you who have been donating toward Samantha's grant fund in the last several weeks. God is blessing and encouraging me through you. I so wish I knew who you all were so I could thank you in person, but for now, this will have to do...

Thank you!!!

Urgent! Please Pray!

2011-12-16T11:16:00.000-06:00

Friends, without saying too much, I need you to know that I continue to learn more about the conditions in Samantha's orphanage and they are not good! Please, please pray for her health and safety, as well as for all of the other children there who wait.

Also PLEASE STORM THE GATES OF HEAVEN TODAY FOR SAMANTHA'S FILE!!!!

I learned that there are people I can contact who can let me know whether Samantha has a Baba (someone paid to come in and hold her and give her attention). If she does not have a Baba, it is possible that I could make some contacts and try and get one for her. However, in order to do this, I HAVE TO HAVE THAT FILE! They need Sam's full, given name...which I do not know.

For some reason, I just have a feeling that her file is lost somewhere, mixed up with a long line of other files. There are many children from her orphanage whose files are probably being put together so they can be listed for adoption. I fear that she has been lost in the shuffle. And at this point, I don't know who to contact or what to do to ensure that someone is working on it.

And so we PRAY!!!

Faint Not

2011-12-15T15:55:00.005-06:00

Currently listening to this song by Jenny and Tyler. Great lyrics. Lots of heart. I heard part of a Saint Francis quote in the bridge, so I looked it up and included it here for you all to read as well. Both great reminders for me today. "O my soul, faint not. Keep up in love."

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
Where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life. Amen.
-Saint Francis of Assisi

Guess Who Has a Family?! And An Update On My Progress Toward Samantha

2011-12-13T23:52:00.001-06:00

Praise the Lord! A family has answered God's call with a YES!!! This little one will soon have a home, a bed, the medical treatment she's been needing for years, and most of all, she will have the LOVE of a mom and dad.

Isn't it amazing that this little girl (as well as my little girl!) have been hidden away for all of these years. God could have left them there to die and our lives would have been unaffected. We could have gone on with our business without any awareness of their existence. But He SAW them. He looked at them with Love. And He chose them. These children who were written off by the world were chosen by Holy God to be redeemed. Isn't that just like Him?

The work God is doing to rescue these precious little ones is such a beautiful picture of what He has also done for you and me. Our sin condition made us utterly hopeless and helpless. We were beyond repair. But our Heavenly Father looked at us with Love. He chose us. He redeemed us. He lifted us out of the pit and ushered us into His Kingdom. I cannot even fathom a love like that. But I'm thankful for it; that He can love even me.

God is steadily continuing to battle it out for all of the children in Samantha's orphanage. Will you please join me in continuing to pray each of these precious little ones? Pray for their release, and pray for families to line up to receive them.

NOW FOR AN UPDATE AND PRAYER REQUESTS FOR MY SAMANTHA!

My FBI background check has now returned home from its second trip across the country. It now has two very official looking seals and is ready to be added to my dossier. Hooray!
My I-800A form has been received by the USCIS. I received a receipt saying that it arrived safely and that they cashed my check. This is great news! My application is well underway.
Still no file!!!!!!!!! Please, please, PLEASE pray that it arrives soon and does not hold up any other paper work. I sent an email today asking for an update on where things are at. I hope to have some kind of answer by tomorrow.
Finally, as always, please pray for Samantha whenever you think of her. Pray especially that the Holy Spirit would intercede for her, as I simply do not know how she is doing.

Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. Romans 8:26

Light of the World

2011-12-11T01:25:00.005-06:00

So, my last post was pretty bold. I've read it, and re-read it. I've thought and prayed about it. I've considered editing it. I've considered apologizing. (Can you see some of my issues shining through here? Overanalyzing, worrying, sticking my foot in my mouth...) But here's what I've decided...

I can't apologize because I believe I spoke the truth. Its true for me (and that truth is regularly turning my world on end) and its true for all believers. We are the light of the world. Jesus is making His name known through us! And if we let His Light shine through us, that is if we act as His hands and feet and heart...Jesus' name will be lifted high for ALL to see and MANY will be saved. And if we don't wake up, if we don't let Jesus' light shine through us, we are affecting peoples' eternity.

I've been thinking tonight about people who have been the Light of Jesus to me, spurring me on to love and good deeds. These are ordinary people who are lifting the name of Jesus high and proud. The fruit of their obedience and sacrifice are lives transformed for Christ. I want you all to "meet" them, because I believe they will be just as much of an encouragement to you as they have been to me.

This is Todd and Deb's whole family with a judge on their youngest's adoption day..

Todd and Deb and their two biological children gave up the American Dream to pursue life as missionaries in inner-city Lincoln. They give generously of the resources God has entrusted to them: food, money (even when there is not a lot to be spoken of), time, love, personal space. They have fostered several children, 5 of whom are now permanent members of the family. They each disciple several people who would not otherwise know the love of Christ. Their home is a bright light to an entire neighborhood. There are literally people in their living room every day (It is not a strange sight to see Todd and Deb sharing their table with a homeless person) who come because they know this is a place where they can trust they will be loved, respected, well fed, and where they will meet Jesus. Todd and Deb have also given generously of their lives on my behalf. They have, and continue to teach me what it means to journey with Jesus. If it weren't for their example, and their support, I would probably not be adopting Samantha.

Jake and Penny moved to lincoln three years ago to pastor the church where I work. Jake is a pastor who practices what he preaches. In fact, I've never seen a pastor spend so much time out in the community. He meets people in grocery stores, daycares, and restaurants and invites them into the Kingdom of God. And people are responding! Last year our little church baptized more than 30 people, many of whom were people Jake discipled. Penny has taught me what it means to love someone to Christ. She is consistent and persistent in pursuing souls that need the Lord. These are two of the most loving people I have ever met, yet they also speak the truth, just as Jesus himself did. In the short time that I've known them, Jake and Penny have welcomed several people to live in their home. The young woman who lives with them currently has been COMPLETELY transformed, and is now discipling others to Christ.

Mike and Lenore (with Mike's mom, Nannette) felt led several years ago to serve God by caring for orphans. They sought out to start a small family ministry in Haiti (17 children), but when the Lord saw that they were faithful what they had been given, He grew their ministry to include 2 orphanages, 60 orphans, 3 schools (representing 400 children!), a clean water ministry, and a ministry that has brought the truth of Jesus to an entire mountain village. Mike and Lenore are both extremely Spirit-led. I am in awe of their testimony as well as the way they have humbly allowed me and my church to to join in the work they started. This ministry has changed my live forever. On the homefront, Mike and Lenore have also been involved in fostercare. Through the fostercare system they adopted a sweet little boy, and they continue to foster children and provide respite to other foster parents in their small community.

Richard and Tenise are front and center here.

Richard and Tenise found me in Lincoln's homeless shelter three years ago (or at least that's what we like to tell people...). Richard is a farmer, and Tenise a stay-at-home mom. These two radiate Jesus like I wish I could. When I visit their home, I literally study their family, because they are one of the greatest examples of a Christ-centered family and marriage that God has given me. I first met them when Richard came with his high school youth group to the homeless shelter where I was working. Since that meeting, God has used this couple time and time again as an instrument to show me His great faithfulness. They supported my ministry in the shelter over the course of a year, helping to re-model the children's building where I worked, bringing much needed supplies, and loving on the people there. They have loved me and supported me through months of unemployment (paying my car payments, inviting me into their home, sending notes of encouragement). Two days after praying that God would show me how He would have me be involved on the global mission field, Tenise called and invited me to go to Haiti with a team she was putting together. We are now partners in ministering to the House of Hope Community in Haiti, where I have now traveled 5 times! I could go on and on about these two...obviously. Today, I'm looking forward to a visit from them in less than a week. They are coming next Saturday to help with my apartment re-model!

As I've often said, I'll say again...God is on the move. Big time. My friends are only a few examples of what He's been up to. And He can do the same and even more through us, if we will only respond to Him with open hands and hearts. He can feed the hungry, set the lonely in families, and bring peace where there is none. He can change lives. He can save lives. And He can do this through us!

So again I'll say, wake up church! Wake up to the good life. God is calling us.

In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. -Matthew 5:16

Every secret, every shame
Every fear, every pain
Live inside the dark
But that's not who we are
We are children of the day

So wake up sleeper, lift your head
We were meant for more than this
Fight the shadows conquer death
Make the most of the time we have left

We are the light of the world
We are the city on a hill
We are the light of the world
We gotta, we gotta, we gotta let the light shine

We are called to the spread the news
Tell the world the simple truth
Jesus came to save, there's freedom in His Name
So let his love break through

Wake Up Church

2011-12-08T00:44:00.002-06:00

Friends, I don't write this post from a pedestal. Believe me. I realize with ALL of my heart that I am a wretch who has no business throwing stones. So I pray this post will come across with great humility.

There are are 210 children in Samantha's orphanage. Sources say that these children are handled as objects. They survive on liquid, non-nutrient diets. Their diapers are changed once a day. They languish alone in cribs with no one to love them. They are kept sedated so no one will have to deal with them. Until now, only 16 of these children have been listed for international adoption. But today, God has begun lifting another little one out of the pit.

This is Kolina. This poor, sad, sweet baby is NINE YEARS OLD. She has Down Syndrome. She has been sitting in this crib for NINE YEARS. I am told that Kolina likely weighs 10-12 pounds.

Folks, this is unacceptable. Kolina is a human. She was created in the image of our God who loves her. But she has been ~~tossed aside~~ thrown away like garbage. She is receiving less than basic care, because no one cares whether she lives or dies. She is literally starving. For food. For love. For stimulation. For human interaction.

God weeps over Kolina. He weeps over all 210 children in hers and Samantha's orphanage. And He weeps over the more than 147 million orphans in the world who face a similar plight.

This is our problem.

I've had a short phrase running through my head for the last few days.

"Wake up Church!"

I can't help but wonder if this is from God. I'm almost certain it is. We Christians have lulled ourselves to sleep to the tune of worldly comfort. Some days I wonder whether we've lost track of why God put us here. We sing songs asking God to change us, to fill us, to give us His hand of blessing. We ask Him to use us, to break our hearts for the poor, to send us out into the world. We tell Him we want to pick up our cross and follow Him. But we don't move. What are we waiting for? God has already spoken! He has already sent us out. And if the darkness of a sin-filled world has not already broken our hearts, maybe its because we are not facing that world, but instead self-soothing. Lulling ourselves into oblivion.

I pray that God will wake us up. There is too much work to do, too much of God's love to experience, too much of His grace to keep to ourselves. We absolutely MUST wake up and answer God's call to the least of these. To the orphan and the widow. To a life of less of us and more of him-a life fulfilled.

I recently watched a video interview of Katie Davis, a young woman who gave up her comfortable life in the States to move to Uganda, start a ministry that reaches thousands of children, and personally adopt 14 orphaned little girls. The pastor interviewing her emphasized that "God does not call all of us to adopt," but subsequently asked Katie to give advice to anyone in the audience who might be considering it. Her advice was "to pray and seek God." Then she laughingly added, "I don't think He'll say no!

There is a family out there somewhere prayerfully considering adoption. Let's pray that they are fully awake to God's call and prepared for His resounding "YES". And let's pray that God opens their eyes to sweet Kolina.

"Once our eyes are opened, we can't pretend we don't know what to do. God who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows that we know, and holds us responsible to act." -Proverbs 24:12

Excitement In the Air! (And Dust and Debris)

2011-12-04T01:14:00.002-06:00

I am beyond blessed, my friends, to have a lovely group of volunteers coming to my home tomorrow to begin remodeling my apartment. There are some changes I've been hoping to make before Samantha gets home, and God has sent people to help! Every month, my Community House helps to host Servant Sunday in our inner city neighborhood. These Sundays often consist of several churches getting together to help us help our neighbors. We've had volunteers paint houses, put up drywall, fix porches, mow lawns, trim trees, you name it! Tomorrow, a group from the University Lutheran Chapel will be blessing me and Samantha. How wonderful is that? And once they have finished the first phase of work, a very good friend of mine has offered to help me finish. I could not be more excited! So, here's what's happening.

I currently have a fully enclosed kitchen. As it is right now, I am not able to see or hear people in the dining or living rooms. So, we are going to cut a large window out of this wall. And, if I can find a cheap countertop and cupboards at the Eco Store, we will install them below the window, which will provide the kitchen with some much needed work space. This improvement is so important, as I know I'll need to be able to keep an eye on Sam and talk to her while I'm cooking and doing dishes.

Here's the newly naked wall in the dining room, where the wall is ready to be cut. I think it'll look pretty cool opening into the orange kitchen.

Next we plan to relocate the door to Samantha's bedroom. Currently, her bedroom opens into the kitchen. This space will be filled in, making room for the refrigerator, which fits here perfectly.

We will then cut a new door through this wall, which currently leads into my bedroom. This is not the permanent color of Samantha's room. I was on a pink kick not too long ago, but now I've been seriously thinking about Turqouise and Yellow. (Mom, don't worry! A pink blanky will be lovely in any color room!)

Samantha's door will open on the right side of this wall in my bedroom. Unfortunately, my new tree will not survive. But that is a small price to pay :) This is just the first phase of the project.

The second phase will be to remove the door to my bedroom and extend the hallway all the way to the end of the room. So from this angle, you would walk down this hall and my bedroom would open on the left, and Samantha's would open across the yellow hallway on the right. And at the very end of the hallway, I hope to put a floor-to-ceiling closet with shelves which will be useful for storing Samantha's things, as her bedroom does not have a closet.

Sometime soon I'll have to write more about the Community House where I live and the ministry that I am part of. Without the people here, my church family, and my birth family, none of this would be possible. God has ordered my life perfectly, in such a way that I am able to give a child a loving family and a home, even as a single mother (which I never thought I would be). Because I have an abundance of loving and supportive people in my life and in my home, I am able to do things like remodel my apartment for only the cost of the supplies. I am allowed to work part time, so I'll be home with Samantha, and yet I'll still receive incredible benefits so I can be confident that after years of being neglected in an orphanage, Samantha will have the medical care she needs. I am able to live very inexpensively, as my friends and I all share the mortgage in this big ole house. And if I ever need ANYTHING, all I have to do is walk downstairs or next-door, and I have friends who are truly "in this" with me. Praise the Lord for His provision; spiritual, emotional, physical, relational. Praise Him for setting me in a family (both biological and otherwise). Praise Him for ordering my steps; I have been on THE best, most exciting and fulfilling journey...all of which I now realize was leading me to Samantha. HE is good. He really does love us, doesn't He?

One Step Forward...Hopefully No Steps Back!

2011-11-30T14:28:00.001-06:00

My FBI background check came in the mail today! Woohoo! That is the document that is supposed to take the longest, so I'm relieved to have it in my hands. I still need to mail it off to DC to be authenticated, but there is a form I can fill out to expedite that process, so it's nearly complete. Yay!

Now we just need to pray extra hard for that darn file to arrive! I just figured out today that there is paperwork most families have already filled out at this point in the adoption process. I need to send commitment papers to the Minister of Justice in Samantha's country so I can get her initial approval. However, I cannot do this without that file. I hope and pray this does not become another set back. I am told that there are a lot of children waiting to have files compiled, which accounts for the time it is taking for someone to get to ours. Please pray that Samantha would be made a priority! She really is an exception, because I'm pretty sure she is the only child in that mix who has a family already working toward bringing her home. Pray that her paperwork would stand out to someone as if God Himself was shining a bright light all around it. Pray that she would be shown favor in JESUS name.

Thank you friends and family! Love to you.

Ready...Set...Do the Next Thing!

2011-11-23T01:33:00.000-06:00

I have IN MY HANDS the finalized home study!!!!!!!

My social worker, who has been waiting ever so patiently for edits for the last three weeks, finally received the information she needed in order to be able to print and notarize the home study. She handed the document off to me in the last hour of her work day, just before leaving for Thanksgiving vacation. Praise the Lord that everything came together today and that I didn't have to wait until Monday to move forward!

After Bible study tonight, I came home and used that home study right away to fill out my I-800A USCIS paperwork. I plan to put it in the mail tomorrow.

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE being able to do SOMETHING! Today I am thankful for forward motion. Hopefully things will keep moving!

Let's keep praying for Samantha's file to arrive. This is another document that could potentially hold up the process. The adoption agency has been regularly checking on the status of the file, but there has not been any word yet.
Praise and thanksgiving for loving friends who have carried me through the last several days when meltdowns abounded. I've received several sweet notes of encouragement, financial gifts, a book, and scripture verses in the mail. I've had friends calling to check on me, praying for and with me, sitting and listening, crying with me, welcoming me into their home, and offering their home as respite. And my family made some adorable Christmas ornaments that I know Samantha will enjoy on her first Christmas at home (next year, of course!). God knew I would be lost without all of you. Praise Him that He is providing for my every need, even when I'm not looking to Him for help.
As I put the I-800 form in the mail tomorrow, please pray that it has been completed correctly, and that I have not missed any details. This is a the scariest form I've filled out yet!
Continue to pray for the safe arrival of the FBI clearance.
And of course, you all know the drill. Please keep praying for Sam.

I Need Help Trusting

2011-11-19T10:39:00.002-06:00

Let me first say that I realize this post, for many of you, will sound like more of the same. More aching hearts, waiting for paperwork....

But I need to impress upon all of you, my friends and family who love me most, that I need your help. I'm having trouble trusting God today, and I'm hoping you'll pray.

I was reading about another family's progress today, and instead of being filled with joy for them, my eyes immediately welled up with tears. Families adopting from Samantha's orphanage are instructed to move as quickly through the process possible. Conditions at the orphanage are bad, and the children need out. Samantha needs out. For some reason I'm experiencing a lot of delays in the process, in places where I didn't expect them. So when I see other families flying through the process, I'm regretfully jealous. It's not as if the God of the universe cannot move mountains on behalf of me and Sam, so there must be a reason for His timing. Please pray that God will help me to TRUST HIM in every detail.
Will you please pray for my home study? After I posted that the rough draft was complete, I assumed I would be able to move on to the next step right away. But my home study is still caught up somewhere, waiting to be edited. My social worker has never seen this step take so long. This hang up is delaying any other work that needs to be done. All of the paperwork that needs to be finished for the dossier depends on the home study. And the remaining paperwork will likely take a long time to process, so I would like to submit it as soon as possible.
Pray for the safe arrival of my FBI clearance. This document is one that I've heard usually takes the longest of all paperwork. I sent in my fingerprints a little under two months ago, so they should/could be back here anytime now. For some reason I worry about this one. Please pray that God will help me to trust that this document is safe in His hands.
Continue to pray for the completion of Samantha's file. If there's anything that could do my heart good, it would be the information in that file. Even if its not all good news, at least I'll know.
And of course, keep praying for my Samantha.

Thank you so much, everyone. Love to you.

*Take a listen to this song if you have time. I've had it on repeat for the last 24 hours. Trying to take the wisdom of this old hymn to heart.

A Song for Sam

2011-11-18T23:35:00.000-06:00

I'm headed to one of my favorite places tomorrow...Ord, Nebraska! Some of my most dearly loved friends have invited me to speak at their church in honor of National Adoption Month. If you happen to think of me on Sunday morning, please pray! Any chance to talk about adoption, and especially to talk about Samantha, is a blessing. Pray that the Holy Spirit would give me the words to speak. This is His story, and I know He'll tell it best. This particular church is, as my friend Sara would say, "small but mighty". The Lord has already worked in HUGE ways through them. Friends from this church supported my work with the homeless children's ministry where I used to work, they helped to keep me afloat financially when I was without a job, they connected me to Haiti, they paid for one of my trips to Haiti, and with the help of their community, they raised $26,000 to build a new orphanage for children who lost their families in the Haiti earthquake. There are NO LIMITS to what God can do through these people. It is my honor to stand before them on Sunday. I can hardly wait to see what God will do through them next!

I was also asked to come prepared with a song to sing. I knew right away that it had to be this song.

This is for you, Samantha. Someday soon I'll be singing this to you.

Update on Katerina

2011-11-15T14:16:00.000-06:00

God has again answered our prayers. Here's the update from Katerina's family.

Katie needed IV fluids and now has an NG tube, so she is doing very well now. She’ll be in the hospital until tomorrow morning. We have a story to tell and pictures to share, but there is no internet at the hospital where Susanna is. We are seeing God working; than you so much for praying! Adam arrived safely, but to an unexpected summons to join us at the hospital. He will undertake the supervision of Katerina’s care from our Hotel room in the morning when she is released.

As you continue to pray, please consider all the people Katerina has been able to reveal truth to in the past 12 hours that were not included in the our original plan. May God continue to do mighty works!

Urgent Prayers Needed

2011-11-14T23:48:00.000-06:00

Little Katerina needs your prayers. Here's the latest update from her mom and dad:

Katie refused all but a few mouthfuls of her last two bottles yesterday, is refusing to take anything now at 4 am, and is showing signs of dehydration. Adam won’t be here for 12 more hours. We are taking her to the hospital Toni recommended. I hate to say this, but we may not be able to update for a little while, and our tiny girl needs prayer. Could you please pray?

The last I knew, Katie weighed only 11 pounds (at nine years old). Adam is a nurse and friend of the family who will be helping to transport Katie home. Please, please pray that God, who knows Katie's every need, would comfort, protect, and save. He is good. We trust Him to do this.

If you would like to read more about Katerina's story, or if you just want to be inspired and encouraged in your relationship with the Lord, check out her mama's blog, theblessingofverity.com

Glory to God in the Highest!

2011-11-14T15:14:00.000-06:00

Katerina Hope Musser has left the orphanage...forever. She's with her mom and dad, right where she belongs.

I need someone to cry with, so you should go look at the pictures right away!

Let's praise the Lord, together. God did what He said He would do! He is good. He is faithful.

He can do it again.

Inspiration

2011-11-12T23:09:00.001-06:00

I've been waiting to write a post about all the ways this precious little friend has been an inspiration to me. Today, as I sit waiting (patiently?) for more information on my own little angel, it seems like a good time to share.

I met Maleska in Haiti, several trips ago. He lives in the neighborhood near Valley House of Hope where Love Maidene lives. We used to lovingly call him "the naked kid" as he would run behind our truck smiling and waving without a care in the world. And without a single article of clothing. In July our team had the pleasure of finally getting to know him. This kid is pure, unadulterated sweetness and joy.

Each day as we would step off the bus, Maleska would be there to great us with enthusiastic hugs and smiles that filled his whole face. He would then grab hold of a hand and lead us down the dusty road to the orphanage where we were teaching a group of area pastors. Other children from the neighborhood would walk with us as well, as they do each time we travel to Haiti. But Maleska's presence in our group upset them. Well-meaning little friends would scold us for touching him, warning us that he was "sick" and laughing at what was, apparently, quite a strange sight.

We would allow Maleska to join us for the Pastor's Conference. He would sit proudly, quietly in his own chair, seemingly knowing that the invitation was an honor. Throughout the day, members from our team would take turns sitting by him, scratching his back, and slipping him (way too many) pieces of candy. When we would serve lunch to the pastors, moleska would eat too, receiving his very own soda and plate with rice and chicken. Some of the pastors were obviously bothered by his presence, but they respectfully put up with us crazy Americans and our ideas.

In between sections of the conference I would sneak outside to play with the other neighborhood kids and the VHOH orphans. Maleska would often go outside to play, too. Over the course of three days, I watched his interactions with the kids. Though not always mean, the kids kept their distance. Everyone seemed to understand that Maleska was not one of them.

Near the end of our trip, I had the opportunity, with the help of a translator, to talk to the kids about Maleska: to explain to them that God made him special, and that there is nothing wrong with him. I instructed the children to look out for him, and if they see someone teasing him to say, "He's Grace's friend!" I was so pleased to hear this very thing spoken as Maleska walked us back to the bus. Giggling children crowded around us, asking repeatedly, "He is your friend?" "Yes, he is my friend!" I would respond, my arm around Maleska's shoulder.

Even though he was blissfully unaware, saying goodbye to Maleska was terribly difficult. Probably because I was so thankful to God for bringing him into my life at just the right time. He gave me a small glimpse of what life is like for children with Down Syndrome around the world. He showed me just how resilient children can be, and how much difference a little bit of love can make in a young person's life. He confirmed my desire to be a mother to an angel with Down Syndrome. And, he showed me that I could happily parent an older child, and that I should be open to considering it.

Thank you, my little friend. May God bless and keep you, until we meet again.

Please pray for Maleska. Pray for his health; nurses seemed to think that he is likely infected with Hepatitis. Pray also for his friends and his neighbors, that they would love him well, and learn to enjoy him. And pray that he will be able to maintain his sense of joy and enthusiasm for life, even in the midst of great poverty and suffering. Thank God for the blessing that Maleska is in mine, and so many other lives.
Pray for my sweet Samantha. Pray that God would send people into her life to care for even the most basic of needs. Pray that she would be put to bed in a fresh diaper, in clean and dry pajamas, on a clean mattress. Pray that she would be nourished, even though her food does not contain the nutrients that she needs. Pray that God would give her what her food lacks. Pray that she will receive loving touches and smiles, and that someone will speak to her kindly. Pray that her mind will be stimulated. Pray that she would know the presence of Jesus in a dark place.

Guess what I'm about to do?!

2011-10-31T16:17:00.001-05:00

Praise the Lord! I am about to edit my FINISHED home study!!!

The background check from California finally came in, so all documents are present and a rough draft of the home study is at-long-last complete! It still needs to be edited by a few key people, be it's very close!

I am BEAMING!!!!

Thank you so much for all of your prayers. God is answering them one by one.

Keep on praying for the safe arrival of Samantha's completed file. God can do this.

Love.

Silence is Deafening

2011-10-27T22:59:00.000-05:00

Its been too long since I've checked in. I'm sorry about that! My sister, Katie, called me last night to encourage me to keep everyone updated with specific prayer requests for Samantha. I needed that encouragement as much as I need all of your prayers! So here we are. If you will, please, please keep praying for us. Here are some ideas, although only HE knows what we really need, so we'll pray for His will as well.

Keep praying for sweet little Samantha. It hurts my heart to not even know what her day-to-day is like. I wish I knew what she needed so I could ask you to pray for that! But since that is not mine to know right now, please just pray God's very best for her. Pray that God will send someone to touch her and talk to her each day. Pray that He will give her reasons to smile and laugh. Pray that God will sustain her and comfort her. Pray that she will know and feel Jesus presence with her.
Pray that the Holy Spirit would draw me to Himself and that I would increasingly look to Him as THE source of help in this time of waiting and not knowing. Pray also for my quiet times with the Lord; that I would desire to spend quality time with Him, and that I would allow Him to fill up the lonely and empty spaces.
I am missing ONE lonely little document from my home study: the California background check. This one document is holding up a slew of other paperwork that needs to be done. Please pray that it arrives now! God can do this!
Praise and thanksgiving that my education courses are complete and my certificate has arrived!
We're still waiting on Samantha's file. Please pray that all road blocks be removed so I can have the very important information that will help me to begin preparing a home for my daughter.
Please pray that Satan would have NO power over this process or in my life. Pray that God would protect my home, ministry, family, and again, my daughter.
Pray that God will show Himself strong in providing for the financial aspect of this adoption. I know He already has a plan in place...Please pray that the people God is calling to help will listen and obey. And praise Him for all He has already provided! He is faithful and good.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for your loving support, and MOST OF ALL, for your prayers. Please keep praying. This adoption process is a spiritual battlefield. The enemy hates that God is making good out of something he meant for destruction. I know that GOD already has the victory, but that doesn't make the battle any less wearing.

Please let me know how I can pray for you!

Love.

THIS is Why We Worship

2011-10-21T15:23:00.000-05:00

Katerina Hope is officially not an orphan anymore! A Bulgarian attorney appeared in court today on her behalf, and now her adoption is complete! The Great Love of God our Father is bringing this 9-year-old, 11 pound, little love home. She's about to know family, comfort, sacrificial love, medical care, a full stomach, a warm bed, and a new start.

This is the little girl I've told so many of you about. Katerina is coming home from the orphanage where Samantha still lives. God has been faithful to Katerina, and now her rescue is nearly complete. For this we we praise the Lord! And we praise Him because Samantha will be following close behind!

THIS IS WHY WE WORSHIP, FOLKS!

God is good. He loves us. He never stops fighting for us.

HE IS WORTHY!!!!

Bold and Very Specific

2011-10-18T16:25:00.001-05:00

Will you please pray for the swift arrival of these 3 pieces of paper, which will complete my home study?

NE CPS/APS checks
CA CPS checks

These are background checks from Child Protection Services and Adult Protection services in Nebraska and California, stating that I do not have a criminal history. My paperwork was submitted weeks ago; now we're just waiting for results to show up in the mail!

Also needed for the completion of the home study is proof that I have completed 12 hours of Hague accredited coursework. My coursework is nearly done, but the person who needs to approve of it and send the certificate of completion is out on maternity leave. Please pray that God will step in and provide a way for the certificate to become available now!

Thank you so much, friends and family! I love you all.

God Is With Us If We Are With Them

2011-10-17T20:24:00.004-05:00

I don't mean to sound like a broken record, but my heart just feels heavy tonight. Nothing happened. But maybe that's the problem. Waiting for something to happen is exhausting. Its harder, and hurts worse than the chaos of frantically gathering information and checking things off of a to-do list. At least then I get that feeling of accomplishment, like I'm one step, or one day closer to Samantha. Too many factors are simply out of my control right now.

Actually, there's a lot about this process that's been out of my control. I was talking to a friend today, remembering how I originally had my heart set on a baby. But God led me instead to Sam (not having control isn't all bad!). Now, I can't imagine wanting or waiting for any other child. I love her. But in addition to love, my heart hurts for her. And I can hardly stand the time and distance that are separating us (ok, I'll take that control back now please!).

Control freaks, like myself, appreciate hearing things from God such as, "If you...., then I will....". I like the certainty of knowing what to expect from Him. God doesn't always honor this desire, probably because He doesn't want to encourage the crazy voice in my head...but tonight...tonight He offered the perfect balm for my controlling heart. The following is a quote from On The Move, by Bono (yes, you read that right), a book I'm reading for my monthly learning community.

God is in the slums, in the cardboard boxes where the poor play house. God is in the silence of a mother who has infected her child with a virus that will end both their lives. God is in the cries heard under the rubble of war. God is in the debris of wasted opportunity and lives, and God is with us if we are with them. "If you remove the yoke from your midst, the pointing of the finger and speaking wickedness, and if you give yourself to the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then your light will rise in darkness and your gloom will become like midday and the Lord will continually guide you and satisfy your desire in scorched places." Isaiah 58:9-11

"God is with us if we are with them." God is with me, leading me, strengthening me, preparing the way...because I am on my way to Samantha. He loves her and wants her OUT of the terrible darkness where she sits tonight, and His loving protection and guidance surround me, His instrument, as I toil to to bring her home. I can trust that God is in this journey. It was His idea, and He is here. That's the kind of certainty I love, so I'm going to try to take hold it. Our gloom, Samantha's and mine, will become like midday. Yes, the light is coming! Praise the Lord for that!

If you're willing, here's where I could really use your prayers right now.

Pray that the Lord will help me to organize my thoughts! I am to a point in this journey where I am tying up loose ends, and following up on a long list of items that are already in process. Its becoming increasingly difficult to know whether I'm doing (or have done) everything I need to. And of course, as you probably picked up from the rest of this post, I need help loosening my grip and letting God lead and comfort me.
Samantha's file is still not complete. Pray that we will receive it soon! I am SO antsy to have that information, and it would do my heart so much good to receive it. And once I do, I can post her picture for all of you to see!
We're still waiting on a couple items for the home study. Please pray that everything will fall into place and that the home study will be complete as soon as possible! There is international paperwork that I can't even start until the home study is done. And some of that paperwork can take a LONG time to process.
Please keep praying specifically for Samantha's well-being. She's already waited 6 years for me to come. Pray that Jesus will whisper hope to her, and that as a result she will wait expectantly for her rescue. Also, please pray that Jesus will hold her close; that she would feel his love and warmth, and that she would be comforted.

Grace and Samantha-A Short Film by Sister Natalie

2011-10-13T11:16:00.001-05:00

Its a little pixelated, but y'all get the point. Is this awesome or what?! Thanks, Aunt Natalie!

Just So I'll Remember

2011-10-10T14:44:00.000-05:00

Right after I told all of you about my memory problem, (forgetting the faithfulness of God, and acting as if I carried the weight of this adoption on my own shoulders) God graciously sent me MULTIPLE reminders that He is in control. And that He is GOOD!

So get this!

I have recently been offered THREE opportunities to speak out about Samantha's journey. This is amazing news! Not because I enjoy the spotlight. Or because I need to raise funds. But because I've had a feeling that God was doing something bigger than just me and Samantha. He's on the move, providing a way for children to move out of the darkness and into His light. And just as I had hoped, but in an even better and bigger way, He is doing just that. Praise the Lord!
My dossier paperwork requires me to be evaluated by a psychologist and receive a mental health clearance. I've heard that it can often take a lot of time to set up an appointment like this. I called around to several offices last week, before being referred to someone who was able to complete the evaluation. Within two days of calling this doctor, I had an appointment set up for today. And that appointment was a pure joy. I had the opportunity to share what God is doing in my life through little Samantha, and at the end of the appointment, the doctor informed me that there would be no charge for his time; he wanted me to keep that money as a contribution to Sam's adoption.
As of today, I have FOUR documents completed for my dossier! I just need to take them down to the capitol building to have them apostilled. Thank you, God!!!!!

I also need to thank all of you for faithfully praying for me and Sam. I certainly do not deserve so much support, encouragement, and love. But I can feel your love and the effects of your prayers. Without a doubt God is moving on our behalf. Please keep praying! Pray that my home study will be complete soon, so I can work on immigration paperwork. Keep praying for Samantha's file to be completed and sent to me. Pray for sweet Samantha as she waits. And pray for the work God is doing to get the word out about kids that need families!

Lots of love to you all. Let me know how I can pray for you.

I Am Israelite

2011-10-06T01:09:00.000-05:00

I hate that its true.

I want to be the glowing example of a woman who trusts the Lord with all her heart, and leans on Him for all of her needs.

But I forget. Again, and again, and again, I forget that He is faithful.

So I freak out unnecessarily.

I worry about things way beyond tomorrow. Things I can't possibly control from here. And things (when I stand back and get a little perspective) I know He already has in hand.

I am Israelite.

"Send me back to Egypt, God! Yeah, I was a slave, but at least there was good food!"

Lord, help me to get a grip.

This is not my life. Its Yours.

She's not my baby. She's YOURS.

This is not my story. Its Yours.

And You, O God, are FAITHFUL!

Before the Throne of God Above

2011-10-04T13:35:00.000-05:00

If you're willing to bring Samantha and I, and this process before God's throne in prayer, please read through these specific requests. We'll take all the prayers we can get!

For Samantha. Please pray that God will prepare her heart to meet her mom! And pray that God will protect her from all evil. I know that some children in her orphanage have a "Baba"; a grandmother-type figure who is paid a meager sum to come in and hold them a couple times a week. Please pray that if Samantha is not already receiving the love of a Baba, that she will soon. This type of interaction would be wonderful preparation for her before she transitions home.
Please pray that Samantha's file will be complete soon. Inside her file will be medical information, her given name, her weight and height, and her picture. This file is important, not only because it will help me to prepare a home and care for her, but because her adoption cannot move forward without it. Ideally, it will be ready by the time my dossier is ready to be submitted, if not sooner!
I could really use prayers for my heart. I'm a little weary these days. The paperwork, classes, errands, meetings...they take a toll, mainly because I know that everyday this work is not done is another day she sits in a lonely crib. And that's hard to swallow. If anything is going to delay this process, I don't want it to be me! But I also know that I need to figure out how to press on while also taking care of myself and my relationship with the Lord.
Pray that the devil will have NO POWER over any part of this miracle that God is doing in mine and Samantha's lives. Pray that there will be no more glitches, but that everything from here on out will move smoothly and quickly, maybe even faster than normal!
Pray that, even now, God will work on the hearts of the officials whose approval I will need in Samantha's country. Pray that God would prepare the way for us!

Lots of love to all of you, friends. Let me know how I can pray for you.

God really doesn't sleep!

2011-09-30T07:41:00.000-05:00

God had a busy night last night, battling it out for Samantha! I can't believe how quickly things are coming together. When He has an idea, He follows it through!!

I had a phone call this morning alerting me to an additional $2,500 gift! Thank you (You know who you are)! I am so blessed.

Again, I just have to say THANK YOU.

2,155 Thank You's!

2011-09-30T00:41:00.000-05:00

OH MY GOODNESS!

Thank you so much to everyone who has already contributed to help bring Samantha home!

I so wish I knew who you all were so I could thank you personally...but since I don't...this will have to do...

THANK YOU!

I am blown away.

You faithfully answer our prayers with awesome deeds,

O God our savior.

You are the hope of everyone on earth...

Psalm 65:5

It's Official!

2011-09-28T11:28:00.000-05:00

My paperwork went through yesterday, and I am officially committed to adopting "Kami", as she has been named by Reece's Rainbow.

But when she comes home, to her new life, and her new mom, her name will be,

Samantha Love.

Samantha, for a sweet, 13-year-old friend from California, who died too young, but whose life of faith continues to inspire me.

Love, for Love Maidene, the little girl who started it all.

I've heard from a few adoptive families, valid reasons for keeping or changing a child's name. My thought is that God is making"Kami"new. I don't know how many times her name has been spoken in the last 6 years, or whether its ever been spoken with love; but I do know that she's been imprisoned in a crib, day and night, with very little human interaction. Her name, in a way, represents that old life. But her new name, Samantha, which means, "God has heard," will carry her into a new life.

Now that my commitment to Samantha has been made official, I am finally able to start raising funds for her adoption grant. This grant will help to pay for agency fees, travel, and other adoption expenses. Samantha's adoption ransom is estimated at $20,000. That's a lot for my tiny brain to wrap around, but its nothing to God. I can't wait to see Him come through for her!

If you would like to contribute to Samantha's grant, you can use the handy new button in the side bar. The grant total, as seen here on my blog, will be updated every hour, so if you don't see your donation show up right away, have no fear! You can also check our total on the Reece's Rainbow's website. My profile is currently on the New Commitments page, titled, "A Girl for the Knuth Family."

Thank you friends and family for your support. Lots of love to you. More updates soon.

I Can't Believe I Forgot to Tell You...

2011-09-24T21:35:00.000-05:00

I was just re-reading my journey so-far, remembering how I got here, when I found an old post titled "Please Pray". I can't believe I forgot to tell you all that my little girl is indeed at the orphanage you were (and hopefully still are!) praying for!

There was a reason God was breaking my heart for that particular place...

God is moving BIG TIME setting children free from this orphanage...

It is my privilege to be used by Him for this purpose.

Soon and Very Soon

2011-09-24T15:56:00.000-05:00

So much has happened in the last couple of weeks!

I received my very first video of Baby Girl. May I just say that I was previously unaware my body was keeping that many tears in storage. Just the sight of her rendered me completely paralyzed. Of course I've seen her picture; I can see it in my sleep. But watching her move and breath, sitting up, pulling to a stand on the side of her crib, and looking intently at the camera...there's nothing else like it. Or there won't be, until the day I get to hold her. Oh, and she really seems to like people! You can hear a couple of women talking in Bulgarian in the background of the video, and it really seems like she is interested in them. I know my little girl has been neglected and sinned against for many years, so this small interaction gives me great hope!

I've been plugging away, finishing all the details of my home study. After what seems like months of fretting, the long awaited "home inspection" is now complete. It went great, thanks to many WONDERFUL friends who helped to clean, do yard work, change electrical outlets, organize...the list goes on. I have a few pieces of paperwork left to collect, and several more hours of online class to complete...but the end is in sight! (the end of the home study, that is)

I've now begun working with Baby Girl's adoption agency. My application was approved on Thursday! So, now I'm hopefully only days away from the long-awaited completion of the commitment process. I'm also ready to begin compiling my dossier. I had my first taste of what this process will be like on Friday when I spent an unholy amount of time pouring over the instructions on an FBI website figuring out how to mail, apostille, etc., etc., my fingerprints. Whoa. Let's hope I get better at this stuff as time goes on!

I found out that there was has been a mix-up! And I'm told that this is a first for the agency. It so happens that there are two little girls with the same name and date of birth in the same orphanage...one of whom is my little girl. And while Baby Girl is still available for adoption, we now know that she had the wrong file attached to her picture. For this reason, she can not currently be viewed on the Reece's Rainbow site, and I cannot publish her picture. Please pray that her file can be put together quickly! I've chosen to continue moving forward without the file, so we don't lose any valuable time, leaving her to sit in a crib any longer than necessary. But there is information in that file that will be very helpful in preparing a home and proper care for her. And, I so badly want you all to see her sweet face!

Thank you all so much for your help and support. This little girl is already VERY loved. She has no idea, but God is on the move...for her. Hang on, Baby Girl! I'm coming. Soon!

Isaiah 61:1

2011-09-15T10:56:00.000-05:00

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me,

for the Lord has anointed me

to bring good news to the poor.

He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted

and to proclaim that captives will be released

and prisoners will be freed.

Thank you, Aunt Gail, for pointing me to this perfect Word from God.

Almost Somewhere!

2011-09-12T23:59:00.000-05:00

Oh my goodness, friends. My heart is full. And overwhelmed. And nervous. But again, it is full! All day today I've been running around town; making copies, overnighting documents, emailing, phone calling, filling out forms, asking for huge favors, crying, praying, rejoicing, and crying some more.

Why so much crying, you ask?

Well you see, there's this little girl. She's 6 years old. She has Down Syndrome. She is perfectly adorable. She has been laying in a crib her entire life. And she very well may be my daughter :)

Name an emotion. I'm probably feeling it right now!

Among many other thoughts going through my head today was this one...After 6 years of merely existing (surviving, really) this little girl is about to start LIVING. I cannot wait to experience the world with her. I can just imagine what she'll think about sunshine, butterflies, ice cream, a pink princess room, a full stomach, hugs and kisses, a warm bath, trips to the zoo...

This innocent, 6-year-old baby has been in a tiny prison, unaware that there is a whole world out there waiting for her. She doesn't know yet what she's missing, but I so long to help her make up for lost time.

I should probably try not to get ahead of myself, as there are still plenty of things that could go wrong. But I just want to hold on to this hope, and the joy that it brings. And I will try to do just that. Because my God, who made this sweet baby girl, loves her far more than I do. And even if this whole journey I've begun falls to pieces, He will still be holding her. He is Father to the fatherless, Defender of the weak, Hope to the hopeless. He is good. I'll cling to that.

If you would, please pray that I will be able to make an official commitment to Baby Girl, so she can be removed from the waiting child list, and instead be on a page entitled, "My family found me." When God answers our prayers, I'll be able to show you all a picture of her sweet little face. I can't wait!

Again, please feel free to comment with any prayer requests you may have. Let's be in prayer for each other!

The "M" Word

2011-08-30T00:34:00.004-05:00

I woke up this morning feeling a little anxious. Actually, fearful might be a better choice of words. For the first time, I was letting the "m" word bring me down. Its weird. I'm really not worried about whether God will provide. I know everything will come together in His time. Mostly I worry about other people's approval. I worry whether my income level will be satisfactory...for my homestudy, for the adoption agency, for a judge halfway around the world who will make the final decision about whether I'll be able to take my baby home.

I hate that I'm worrying about money. Its kind of been my mission these last couple of years to try and forget about that stuff. I do realize its necessary, but I'd just assume close my eyes and trust that God will catch me when I jump, as He always has. At any rate; here we are. I'm a little scared.

BUT how good is God that He would speak to me this morning, through His word, specifically, directly, purposefully...about money. And about worry. No kidding.

I had an 11:00 date with a friend this morning at a diner within walking distance of the Bolivar House. That 15 minute walk gave me just enough time to read a devotion from "Jesus Calling" and to look up the corresponding verses in my Bible (in case you're wondering, I only tripped once). Not only did these passages speak directly to my need this morning, but God gave me fresh eyes and new perspective as I read.

The first scripture was a familiar one about worry found in Luke chapter 12. Only today I noticed that the section was titled, "Teaching about Money and Possessions". Here are some things I took away from that reading, as it applies to my situation (and maybe yours, too!).

I am not to worry about "everyday life" stuff, or more specifically, "little" stuff. (I like that connection. My 'needs' fall under the category of "little" stuff) These are the things that "dominate the thoughts of unbelievers all over the world," but my Heavenly Father already knows I need them. Among these "little" things? Money.
I am to seek the Kingdom of God above all things. If I do this, God will give me everything I need. My worrying does not help Him procure the things I need. It does distract me from the Kingdom.
It gives the Father great happiness to give me the Kingdom.
Finally, I am urged to "sell [my] possessions and give to those in need." In other words, I should care for those less fortunate without fearing for my own well-being. And while I care for others...God will care for me. And no where does it say that this is irresponsible or careless, as the world might say. Because this is KINGDOM talk, not worldly wisdom.

Now, that chapter alone would have made my day. But then I turned to the next passage and was blown away again by this:

"For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly spaces." Ephesians 6:12

It hit me that if I cannot trust God with the "little" stuff (even a lot of money is a little thing for God), then how will I be able to trust Him in the BIG things (spiritual warfare, evil in the world, sin all around). I've got bigger fish to fry than the way my income looks or the measly $30,000 it will cost to adopt. There is an enemy who doesn't want us to care for orphans, whom God loves and commands us to care for.

The last verse I read today was this one from Proverbs 16:

"Commit your actions to the Lord, and your plans will succeed."

So, it appears I need to learn how to trust Him. In everything. Trust that He "who began this good work within [me], will continue in His work until it is finally finished."

Gosh I love that God!

If you'd like to pray for me, I'd love prayers that God will help me to continue to trust Him and for that spirit of anxiousness to subside. Also, please pray that I will be able to get an initial approval from my home study agency so I can commit to a child. This is the biggest desire of my heart today.

I'd love to pray for you all as well. If you'd like, leave me a comment with your prayer requests, and we can pray for each other.

Lots of love to you all.

On a Good Day

2011-08-27T14:57:00.002-05:00

Every so often there are days in my life when the nearness of God is palpable. When the things of the unseen world seem to come into focus. When peace is real and all-consuming, and joy is bright even in the darkness of a sin-filled world. Though these days come and go, their length of stay doesn't matter so long as they come. And so long as I can remember they came.

I'm thankful today for some good days. I'm thankful for a broken heart and eyes wide open to a world full of suffering. I'm thankful that God has imparted a realization that He alone is good. And that He knows. He sees. He's not just standing by. I'm also particularly thankful that He persists in loving and teaching me; here's a few lessons He's been bringing to my mind a lot lately:

We're not going to be here for long. This life is BRIEF-only a grain of sand in the ocean of eternity.
This world is a messed up place, desperately in need of JESUS.

Believe it or not, these two simple, some would say obvious, realizations, are what's bringing me such joy lately. No I do not take joy in the world's suffering, but I am filled with joy as I wait to see what God will do next. Because just as sure as He's lovingly leading me, I KNOW He is at work in those around me. God is on the move, friends. Big time. And He will use us if we let Him.

Maybe God is calling you, as He has been me, to take pause and ask yourself, Am I doing enough? Is God's church, The Hope of the World, doing enough for our fellow humans who are hungry, tired, sick, mistreated? How much of our time is spent working toward selfish gain: more stuff, better stuff, entertainment, security, refuge from the troubles of the world? Have we forgotten that we will have all of eternity to rest from the work we do here?

Please don't misunderstand me. This is not a message of condemnation. It is an invitation to a better life. A life full of more of Him and less of us. Excitement. Joy. Peace. Love. Nearness to the One who made us. I have yet to really understand the fullness of a life with Christ (and I won't on this side of Heaven). But I can taste it friends, and it is so good. Don't slow down in your pursuit of it.

I hope there are more good days coming. For all of us.

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:12-14

Please Pray!

2011-08-22T23:06:00.000-05:00

Several days ago I had an overwhelming feeling that I just wanted to know who this child is that I've been praying for. I had already inquired about a few little girls, but decided I had been going about this the wrong way, so I sent an email to Reece's Rainbow asking, "Can you make recommendations to me of children I should consider?"

God knew what He was doing, allowing me to send an email at that particular time on that particular day because I immediately received a reply that God used to COMPLETELY break what was left of my stubborn heart. I received a small amount of information and 2 photos from an orphanage in Eastern Europe where children are severely malnourished, neglected, and in need of families. I was also directed to the blog of an adoptive mother who was at that very orphanage on that exact day, visiting her daughter for the first time. I spent the next few days pouring over every word this woman has written, looking at her pictures over and over and over again, and staying up way past my bed time trying to let the reality of it all set in. My faith was completely shaken, but in a way that has only increased my trust in the Lord and my awareness of our need for Him.

I received news tonight that there is some major spiritual warfare going on concerning this orphanage, which could stop these fragile, vulnerable children from being adopted. These kids may very well die if God does not step in. They'll die without ever knowing the love of a family. I'm choosing to believe that God wants their freedom even more than we do, and that He will stop at nothing. And so we pray.

I don't know yet if God has revealed this to me because this is where my kiddo is, or because He wants me to raise awareness, but at this point it doesn't really matter. "Now that I have seen, I am responsible." Please take a moment to read this post from "The Blessing of Verity" about some specific details that need to be lifted up in prayer, and then join me in praying without ceasing for these kids to be safely delivered from the enemy.

Preface

2011-08-21T00:04:00.001-05:00

The call is clear. Just as clear as it was when I was a kid.

I've waited until now, always having thought that kids were something you figure out inside the context of marriage. But God has shown me, and continues to show me that this is the time. In fact, He's given me 147 million perfectly good reasons not to wait.

147 million orphans in the world.

147 million children falling asleep tonight without the love of a mom or a dad.

147 MILLION!

There is an insecurity that rises up inside of me as I put this journey here on the internet for ALL the world to see. I hate to admit this, but I wonder what people will say. I wonder if they will see me as "fit" for this high calling. I wonder if some may think I'm crazy. Maybe people will talk about me behind my back. Maybe they'll question whether I'm capable of taking care of a special needs child on my own.

Maybe. Either way I'll continue to remind myself of what I know is true: No, I am not capable. And yes, I am crazy (really, though)! But GOD can do anything, and if He wants to, He can even do something great through me.

There is a little girl (or boy?) out there somewhere who I believe is my child. A child with Down Syndrome, who has been cast away by society, and who, this very night, lies in a crib, hungry, and without love. I don't have any specific information that I can share with you yet, but I hope to soon. What I do know is that many of the children waiting to be matched with families are living on borrowed time. So will you please join me in praying that God will lead me swiftly through this process and to this beloved child? More specifically, will you please start praying that God will bring me through my home study without delay? And finally, pray that God will continue to lead more and more Christians to the ministry of Reece's Rainbow so we can bring more and more orphans home!

More to come.

Where It All Began-A tribute to Love Maidene

2011-08-20T22:04:00.000-05:00

In a crowded open-air tent, 3 months after the earth shook Haiti, Love chose me. At least that's how I like to remember it. That day lives on in my memory, clear enough to have been yesterday and surreal enough to have been a dream. Forty newly orphaned children sat in rows of benches facing eight American missionaries. Their tiny bodies frozen in grief and fear. Their eyes tired and lifeless. There was nothing we could say to do justice to such sadness, so no one said a word. No one moved. Except for one courageous, fiery little 4-year old girl. Love Maidene wiggled her way down from the bench where she sat snuggly, safely in a row of several other children her size. She ducked and dodged her way through that tiny crowded room and confidently took residence in my lap.

I've often compared little Love Maidene to "the girl in the red dress" from Schindler's List. Her life has been the lens through which I've viewed Haiti over the last 17 months. And as I've watched her grow and struggle, I've fallen more and deeper in Love. From those first days, thinking about what she must have been through after the earthquake (Did she know what happened to her parents? Was she lost? Who found her? And what hardships did she endure in the meantime?) to times of joyful singing, laughing, and dancing, to days when she was so sick, and cholera so rampant, that I wondered whether I'd see her again this side of heaven.

I've visited that sweet (and sassy!) girl's orphanage 4 times now, and each time I come home, there is a sadness that follows as I imagine her sitting in the backseat of my car or playing with the kids next door. I am so thankful that although it doesn't seem to be in the Lord's plans for me to adopt Love Maidene; (I am six years away from being eligible for a Haitian adoption) I know that she is well cared for by House of Hope and is safe in the arms of a Loving Savior. And I am immensely thankful to her for preparing my heart for the Lord's latest work in me!

So, I'm calling this blog, "Love's Ransom", as it will chronicle the redemption of an orphaned child, precious to God and already dearly loved by me, who may even someday bare the name Love. I honor you, the little girl who started it all.