First Full Day (By Katie)

This post, and the two following posts, are copied and pasted from my sister, Katie's, blog. You are welcome to follow her blog yourself at katie-memorablemoments.blogspot.com.
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Today is Madeleine and Audrey's first day of school and as they entered their new classrooms, on the other side of the world Sam experienced her first excursion.

Madeleine 4th grade, Audrey 1st grade

Walking the streets of Bulgaria snuggly in her carrier.

Some other firsts Sam experienced today are a sponge bath, which she made perfectly clear she did not like.

Look at that face.  I'm pretty sure she was giving me the hairy eyeball because I was the one who washed her while Grace held her.  Thank goodness for the koosh ball.  It provides her with relief when she is feeling stressed. 

As do her fingers.  She sucks them when she is tired and as a means of soothing herself.  However, she is quickly learning that Grace will console her when she's in distress. 

Staying true to the theme of firsts, Sam and I shared one today; a trip to Dunkin Donuts.  I have never been because there is not one in Lincoln and I pleaded with Gracie again for a taste of something familiar.  She really did not put up a fight because she was in need of a caffeine boost.

Did you notice the pink stroller Sam was in?  We bought that today because the one Grace brought was damaged on the plane ride here. Samantha can only tolerate being held for short amounts of time so Grace wanted a nice stroller to have when we travel home on Saturday.  Sam will be much more comfortable being pushed around in a stroller, rather than being carried, during our layovers.

Finding this stroller was an answer to prayer.  The first store we tried was a toy store and when it proved to be fruitless we asked the lady working there where we could find one.  Even though neither one of us could understand the other, through hand gestures, extremely  broken English, and an act of God we found the store she referred us to and bought the only stroller they had (which just happened to be pink).  

In this picture Sam is seen listening to music on Grace's computer.  She LOVES music.  She can't help but dance when she hears it.  We have also discovered that she is fascinated by computers.  She has helped both of us type on more than one occasion. 

In this picture she is meeting her cousins for the first time over Skype.  She slid right on over to see what was going on.

Here she is all settled into bed this evening.  Last night was a rough one.  Even though she was tired, she would not allow herself to fall asleep.  When she wasn't rocking back and forth, chewing on her wrists, or grinding her teeth, she was standing up on the side of her crib, looking around as if to make sure we were still there.  Grace was always right there to scoop her up.  The ritual of laying her down, picking her up, and laying her down again continued for 5 hours.  We've discovered that there's a delicate balance between making sure Samantha gets the sleep she needs and establishing security.  Finally, at 1:00 in the morning, we turned off all the lights, laid her down, and followed suit.  Shortly thereafter she fell asleep & this morning she learned that when she wakes up mommy will be there to lift her out of the crib, change her diaper, and give her a bottle.  After crying so many tears out of extreme heartache yesterday, today they flowed freely out of joy. I am so thankful to be here to witness these beautiful milestones. I am also pleased to report that she is currently sleeping peacefully, only 2 hours after the first try. 

 I am still trying to process what I saw yesterday and so many thoughts are rolling around in my head desperately  trying to find a way to be weaved together in a way that will give justice to them.  I don't mean to make light of this journey by only posting the cute things Samantha does.  She displays many behaviors that are associated with institutionalization and it's heartbreaking to see.  However, she has learned quickly that Grace will cater to her every whim and has even started saying mamamamama when she wants her attention.  For the first time in her 7 years of life she is on the road to healing; the best first I have to report today. 

In My Own Words

Sam fought sleep last night and very nearly won. She didn't finally give in until 1:00 this morning. Katie and I couldn't help but wonder if she was afraid of what might happen. Would we still be here in the morning when she woke up?

This morning we were standing over her crib as she opened her eyes. It took her a minute to process, but when she'd thought it through, baby girl was thrilled to realize that no, she was not dreaming. She's actually free.

My waking up experience today was much the same as Sam's. When she popped up, smiled her million dollar smile, and reached up her arms to be held, tears began to fall. Much of yesterday felt so surreal that it was a relief to wake up and realize, along with Sam, that no, this is not a dream. She is free at last and for good.

Being Sam's mommy has got to be, hands down, the best experience of my life. I love this little girl so much it literally hurts. And then add a little more. The more I know her, the more unimaginable it is to me how anyone could look at her and not love her. 

Even so, Sam carries with her the baggage of seven long years without love. The evidence makes these first days bittersweet. My little girl is broken and fragile in so many ways.

Sam likes it when I massage her head and run my fingers through her newly, haphazardly cut hair. The back of her head is flat, and her hair (even after being washed and brushed), dries in perfect bed-head fashion from laying on her back for so much of her life.

She is terrified of baths of any kind. Terrified. As if she's never truly had a bath before. We were finally able to give her a quick sponge bath today, but even that was enough to send her over the edge. Poor baby. We're still working on getting that Pleven smell off of her skin and out of her hair. After lots of baby lotion, she's smelling much sweeter. Tomorrow we'll try again.

Sam likes to eat, and especially likes to drink (formula and pedialyte are what's currently on the menu), but often times we'll have to stop or take a break because she is distressed (we've thought about this from every angle, but are still not sure what is causing her trouble). Actually, when we left Pleven, the director sent us on our way with a couple jars of baby food, saying that we should try to feed Sam in the car. Just the sight of the food sent poor Sam into a tail spin. Needless to say, we put it away.

And speaking of food and drinks, Sam's baba and a couple other staff people gathered around yesterday to give me some pointers on how and what to feed Sam. They told me she doesn't swallow very well. They told me I should give her water on a small spoon. Well, guess what? Sam is an excellent swallower. And she is also excellent at taking liquids through a bottle. So good, in fact, that I have to slow her down because she guzzles liquids and ends up with gas bubbles. I burp her, just like I would a baby, after each feeding.

And then theres the rocking, chewing on her hands, twitching, and during times of stress, flailing. This is no doubt the result of severe neglect and isolation. She regularly sticks her entire hand in her mouth, and back into her throat, which we're realizing may be because her tonsils/adenoids are inflamed. This also explains the loud snorting noises that she makes throughout the day.

And of course, the most obvious baggage Sam is carrying is her size. I carried my seven-year-old in a baby carrier today. And laid her to bed in a play-pen.

I don't mean to be a downer. And I certainly don't want to make it sound like Sam is anything other than a treasure (one that I would not trade for anything!). What I do mean to do is to be honest with you and tell you that even though Sam has left Pleven for good, we absolutely must keep praying for the kiddos we left behind.

Katie and I picked Sam up yesterday on the infamous 6th floor of the Pleven baby house, where Sam has been living, and we saw with our own eyes the devastating darkness. Skeletal, nearly dead children. Caretakers handling them as if its all in a days work. I know that change is happening and the new director is working hard to make sure that it does. But for some of these children, I'm not sure that will be enough. Again, we must continue to pray. And we must continue to carry children out of there and into homes.

Let's let my beautiful Sam be our flesh and blood reminder, not only of the children who continue to  suffer, but of the healing that love and a family can bring.

I so look forward to sharing Jesus' healing power in Sam's life with all of you.

Thank you for journeying with us.

Lots of lot to all of you.

Gotcha Day! (By Katie)

Hi there friends and family! I know I promised a post today, but Sam is still holding out on sleep and I just can't focus. So for now, for those of you who don't have facebook, or may not have seen yet, here is a post from my lovely sister, Katie. Perhaps Sam will be interested in helping me blog tomorrow :)
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We have Sam and all things considered, her transition from the orphanage to hotel went very well.  I have been alternating between staring at my computer screen & gazing at Gracie and Samantha playing on the bed next to me.  My mind is full; I took in a lot today and I am still trying to process it all.  I also feel a lot of pressure to make this post perfectly beautiful.  However, I am pretty tired and distracted by a certain little sprite, so this post will be mostly pictures and the words will come later.

Ready and waiting for Yavor (our driver/translator) to arrive.

The view from my window on the way to Pleven. 

A moment 12 months in the making.

Grace & Sam pictured with Sam's Baba.  It was clear to me that she loves Samantha and is going to miss her terribly. 

Shortly after being changed into her "going home" clothes.

Farewell Pleven and hello fresh air!!

She loved looking out the window of the car. 

She ate a bowl of cereal and fruit when we got to the hotel

and drank some formula like a champ.  We weren't sure how she would do so we were thrilled with this milestone.  

Today has been bitter sweet.  I have been watching in amazement as Grace has settled into her new role as mother as if she's been doing it for years.  On the other hand I am traumatized by what I saw at the orphanage and even by some of Sam's behaviors that were caused by years of neglect.  After I have time to process it all I will write down my thoughts.  Grace will blog later as well.  However, her hands are full at the moment.  :)

Can I Get An "Amen"!

11:44pm update (Bulgaria Time): Our luggage has finally arrived!!! Thank you, Jesus!!!
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Well you guys, this is it! In just a little more than 12 hours we will get in a car and drive the two hours to Pleven, where we will finally free Samantha Love from that orphanage FOREVER!

No more going to bed hungry.

No more love-less days.

No more laying in her own waste.

No more standing, resting her head on the side of a crib, begging someone to just see her.

No more wearing the same clothes day after day.

No more.

NO MORE!!

TOMORROW IS FREEDOM DAY!!!!!!!!

Praise the LORD with me, friends. PRAISE THE LORD!! Let all people, everywhere, say, "The LORD is good. His faithful love endures forever!"

There were days when I thought this day may never come. But those days are gone. Those days of fear and doubting. Because, you see, this adoption never depended on me. This miraculous story is a work of God. To HIM alone be the glory. Forever.

Next time you hear from me, I'll be blogging next to a precious, sleeping (?) baby. I could not ask for more.

You faithfully answer our prayers with awesome deeds, O God our savior. You are the hope of everyone on earth. Psalm 65:5

Lots of love to all of you.

*Note: We're still waiting on that darn luggage. But we're finally leaning on God and experiencing His peace. We are told we will receive our first couple of suitcases any minute now, with the rest arriving during the night. Keep on praying that this will be so. 

And, We're Off!!!

Well, we're off! My friend Emmi tagged me in a facebook post this morning, saying, "If there has ever been a time to celebrate, this is it!"

I couldn't agree more!

Madi reminded me last night that it was my last night in my house without Sam.

On Sunday morning, I leaned over to my friend, Alison and whispered, "This is my last time in worship without Sam."

I'm a little bit outside of my body right now...excited, and trying to get a grasp on the reality that is today. I am leaving my house in less than an hour to pick up my daughter. 

Wow.

Here we go! 

All of our prayers, donations, tears, heartaches...have led to this moment. I can hardly believe it is finally time. THANK YOU, JESUS!

My sister, Katie, wrote a lovely blog post yesterday filled with prayer requests and scriptures for our friends and family. I'm going to use her words today, because they are better than anything I could have come up with myself.

Thank you in advance for the love and prayers you all are sending for this week. We are already feeling them.

Lots of love to all of you. 

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From Katie (katie-memorablemoments.blogspot.com):

Tomorrow afternoon Gracie and I will be embarking on a journey one year in the making.  We will be flying to Sofia, Bulgaria where Samantha will be released from the bondage she's been living in for seven years into the loving arms of her mommy, and I get to witness it!  For days I have been battling sleepless nights due to a combination of nerves and excitement, as I imagine what that moment will be like; a moment that is now only 36 hours away!

Tonight I am writing for two reasons.  One, I have far too much adrenaline running through my body to fall asleep and two, to give you specific ways you can be praying for Grace, Samantha, my family, and I on this trip. 

• Please pray for safe travel.  
• Please pray for me because I am afraid of flying.  I've only flown on two occasions in my lifetime and I didn't do well either time.  Please pray that God would bless with me with a peace that surpasses all understanding and that He would squelch my fears.  I want to be fully present and courageous for Grace.  It is important to me that she never feels like she needs to comfort me. In other words, I don't want her to regret bringing me along.  ;)
• Speaking of being comforted, please pray that God would give me the wisdom to be all that Gracie needs me to be and the wisdom to know when to speak or simply listen. 
• Please pray for Steven and the girls.  Madeleine and Audrey will be starting school while I am away and Madeleine struggles with anxiety.  She has already expressed some concerns she has with my being gone.  As for Audrey, she is so care free that I don't know what to expect from her so pray that God would meet her needs as they arise.  Also, please lift Steven up as he cares for the girls on his own and that he would allow people to help him when needed & that God would impress on him that it doesn't make him less of a dad to accept help.
•  Most importantly, please pray for Grace and Sam.  Pray that God will guide Gracie as she makes parenting decisions for the first time and that He would bless her with confidence.  Pray for Sam as she leaves the only "home" she's ever known.  Pray that her transition from the orphanage would be a smooth one and that Gracie and I will be able to adequately meet any need that may crop up.

Grace and I (mostly Grace) picked out some bible verses for you to read each day that go along with a specific prayer need that day.  It is our hope that the verses will spur your prayers along each day and keep us close to your thoughts.

Friday - Safe Travels & preparedness for what lies ahead.  "Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes".  Ephesians 6:11

Saturday -  Equip us.  "May the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, though Christ Jesus, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen". Hebrews 13:20-21

Sunday - Joy and Peace "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit".  Romans 15:13

Monday - Samantha's Gotcha day!!  "God sets the lonely in families, he leads forth the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land." Psalm 68:6 

Tuesday - Please say a prayer for the orphans, still waiting for their forever families, in Pleven.  "Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me." Psalm 27:10
"Can  a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palm of my hands."  Psalm 49:15-16a  

Wednesday - Keep your eyes on Jesus.  "Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right of God.  Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.  When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory".  Colossians 3:1-3

Thursday - Today we have a meeting with the embassy to get Sam's visa and Sam will have a health check.  Please pray that all goes smoothly and that Samantha will tolerate it all.   "Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres".  1 Corinthians 13:4-7 

Friday - Today we will meet Grace's lawyer, Toni, for dinner.  Please say a prayer of thanksgiving for her as she has worked and fought hard to bring Samantha home.  "I thank my God every time I remember you".  Phil 1:3

Saturday -  Samantha's homecoming!!  Praise God for "He has cut her from the cords of the wicked"!  "They have greatly oppressed my from my youth - let Israel say - they have greatly oppresed me from my youth, but they have not gained the victory over me.  Plowmen have plowed my back and made their furrows long.  But the Lord is righteous; he has cut me from the cords of the wicked."  Psalm 129:1-4

Thank you for your prayers!!  The next time I blog I will be doing so from Bulgaria!!

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Preparing For Our New Normal

This topic has been rolling around in my mind for quite some time now, but I haven’t blogged about it yet because I wanted to make sure everything comes out just right. SO many people have been loving Samantha and me throughout this last year, and I know everyone is anxious to meet her and love on her in person. 

Here are just a few examples of the love that has been shown to Sam and me:

My mom, sisters, and dear friends threw me and Sam a Reece's Rainbow themed baby shower.

Everyone signed in with a green thumbprint and signature on this tree made by my friend, Ashlee.

And to top it all off, we ended our time praying for Sam's court hearing. I know, huh? Wow.

Here are some of my most favorite people in the whole world...my youth group.  Praying for Sam.

And here's the 2nd grade class from St. Peter Lutheran School in Lodi...

having a bake sale to benefit the children of Pleven...

They raised more than $1,000!!! Thank you again, Mrs. Steiner!

I know there is also a group of kiddos at a church in Indiana who raised money for Sam as part of their VBS mission project. Thank you again, Sarah!!

And thank you to EVERYONE who prayed, advocated, gave, supported, encouraged. 

I want you all to know that I’m looking forward to sharing Sam with you.

And I thank you in advance for being patient with us.

We’re going to take things very slow for the first several weeks back home. Please don’t take this personally! As much as I am anxious to share my incredibly sweet daughter with all of you, I am even more anxious to give her the best start I possibly can to this new life of ours. And for now, I know it is in her best interest that we lay low for a while. For several reasons, really.

Our New Normal. I want to teach Sam what its like to be part of a family. She needs to get used to her new normal. This means spending lots of time in her new home, with her new mom, getting used to her new schedule. The more consistent I can be during this time, the more comfortable she will be and the safer she will feel. 

A Solid Foundation. Sam will most likely need full time care from me for the rest of her life. Her first months at home are laying the groundwork for many years to come. It is important that I be diligent in bonding with her and teaching her during this time. For example, as cute as it is that Sam may want to hug and kiss everyone in sight (as many children with Down Syndrome do)...I can’t let her. 20 years from now, when she is all grown up, strangers may not find those behaviors quite as cute as I do :) I want to make sure I am setting Sam up for success later in life.

Attachment. Sam has been “cared for” by many people over the last seven years. No day for her is the same as the last. The adults she sees in the morning are different than the adults she sees at night. As far as she knows, all adults are the same, and they all may or may not feed her, change her, bathe her, etc. I want to teach Sam that she can trust me to care for ALL of her needs. If she needs to be consoled, if she is hungry, if she gets hurt, if she wants to be held...she can look to Mommy and get what she needs. Our bond will be closer the more she depends on me to meet those needs.

“How can we, your friends and family, help you to be successful in bonding with Sam during your first weeks at home?” 

Well, thank you for asking! 

Here’s some specific ways you can help:

1. Please allow me, her immediate family, to touch only; hugs, kisses, and holding need to belong here for an unknown amount of time. High fives and fist bumps are great! And you can absolutely talk to her and make her laugh! But when she reaches out to be held or hug, please redirect her and offer her a high five or handshake instead.
2. Allow me to feed her.  If food is offered, allow me to feed it to her.  She needs to know that her immediate family will meet her physical needs. 
3. Don't worry at all if you forget! Just please don’t be offended if I redirect you, saying,   "Oops, no hugs from friends, lets high five instead!"
4. Pray that God will help me meet her heart needs and see/sense what she cannot tell me.

Thank you so much, in advance, for your help and understanding. And for your continued prayers! Less than three days till we leave and six days till we break Sam out of Pleven! I CANNOT WAIT!!! 

Katie and I promise to take lots of pictures and videos and keep all of you updated while we are away!

Until then,

Lots of love to all of you.