I also feel the need to apologize. I didn't mean to let so much time slip away since my last post! I suppose I've been lost for words.
Leaving Sam in Bulgaria was heart-breaking. I didn't really know what to expect of my life when I got home, although I fully anticipated being an emotional wreck. I imagined the waiting feeling like agony, but that was okay because it made sense to me. Grief and sadness made sense. It seemed normal, even appropriate, that after holding and kissing and finally knowing my child, that I might find it difficult to re-enter life as I know it.
While re-entry has not been easy (I'd be lying if I said that it was), to my surprise, I'm not who I thought I'd be right now. I'm not the crying-at-the-tip-a-hat-mom, as I'd expected. At least not yet! I've actually experienced many moments of peace, coupled with moments of numbness (to most things other than Sam), and not really knowing what to do with myself. But for the most part I'm functioning. And that's more than I thought I'd have to say for myself at this point in the process.
Today I'm missing my girl and praying that time will see fit to speed along and bring her home. It hurts to think about her. To imagine what she's doing (or not doing) moment by moment. To wonder who's showing her love each day, if anyone is at all. My sinful nature would have me worrying up a storm for her all day and night. But, God knows better, and on days like today His Spirit leads me into truth. The truth that I cannot control Sam's environment right now. I can't hold her. I can't supervise her feedings or discipline the staff who has a choice whether or not to care for her. The truth that HE can do ANYTHING. He can employ angels to keep watch over her. He can comfort her with His love. He can shield her heart and mind from all harm. He can give her hope that her time is coming, and that she will be home soon. He can do all of this. And I know that He is.
I also know its true that the LORD is compelling hundreds (if not thousands) of people to pray for Sam and me, and I am so grateful for this. God's answers to these prayers on our behalf are very clearly the glue that is holding me together right now. And I believe it's holding Sam together, too.
So please, I would ask you, don't stop praying for us. Or for all of the children and families of Pleven who are waiting to be united.
So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up. Galatians 6:9
And as you labor in prayer, as I know so many of you are, I would ask that you would include these specific requests:
- Continue to pray that Sam's paperwork would reach Bulgaria in enough time for us to receive a court date and any other services required by the court system before the recess which begins mid-July.
- Please be praying that we will be assigned to a good judge. I am told that there are some judges who work swiftly and readily approve adoption cases. There are other judges who can be quite difficult and can require a lot from families, delaying the process. Pray that our judge will be compelled by God to seek justice and love mercy.
- Pray for Sam's continued protection and comfort, and that she would know the presence of Jesus, even in the absence of loving people.
- Pray for all of the other children who suffer in Pleven. For those who have family coming for them, pray that their processes would be moved along quickly, without delays. For Gabby, who is listed for adoption right now, but has not been chosen by a family, pray that the LORD would hand-pick a mom and dad for her and that they would work hard and fast to bring her home. And for the MANY children who remain unlisted, and not available yet for adoption, pray that the LORD would move mountains for them. HE can do this. HE can make a way for every one of those children to find safety and family.
Love to all of you, friends and family. You are the best.
And, here's a couple more sweet photo and a seriously cute video :)