The "M" Word

I woke up this morning feeling a little anxious.  Actually, fearful might be a better choice of words.  For the first time, I was letting the "m" word bring me down. Its weird.  I'm really not worried about whether God will provide. I know everything will come together in His time.  Mostly I worry about other people's approval.  I worry whether my income level will be satisfactory...for my homestudy, for the adoption agency, for a judge halfway around the world who will make the final decision about whether I'll be able to take my baby home.

I hate that I'm worrying about money. Its kind of been my mission these last couple of years to try and forget about that stuff.  I do realize its necessary, but I'd just assume close my eyes and trust that God will catch me when I jump, as He always has.  At any rate; here we are.  I'm a little scared.

BUT how good is God that He would speak to me this morning, through His word, specifically, directly, purposefully...about money. And about worry.  No kidding.

I had an 11:00 date with a friend this morning at a diner within walking distance of the Bolivar House.  That 15 minute walk gave me just enough time to read a devotion from "Jesus Calling" and to look up the corresponding verses in my Bible (in case you're wondering, I only tripped once).  Not only did these passages speak directly to my need this morning, but God gave me fresh eyes and new perspective as I read.

The first scripture was a familiar one about worry found in Luke chapter 12. Only today I noticed that the section was titled, "Teaching about Money and Possessions".  Here are some things I took away from that reading, as it applies to my situation (and maybe yours, too!).

• I am not to worry about "everyday life" stuff, or more specifically, "little" stuff. (I like that connection. My 'needs' fall under the category of "little" stuff)  These are the things that "dominate the thoughts of unbelievers all over the world," but my Heavenly Father already knows I need them. Among these "little" things? Money.
• I am to seek the Kingdom of God above all things. If I do this, God will give me everything I need. My worrying does not help Him procure the things I need.  It does distract me from the Kingdom.
• It gives the Father great happiness to give me the Kingdom.
• Finally, I am urged to "sell [my] possessions and give to those in need."  In other words, I should care for those less fortunate without fearing for my own well-being.  And while I care for others...God will care for me.  And no where does it say that this is irresponsible or careless, as the world might say. Because this is KINGDOM talk, not worldly wisdom.

Now, that chapter alone would have made my day.  But then I turned to the next passage and was blown away again by this:

"For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly spaces." Ephesians 6:12

It hit me that if I cannot trust God with the "little" stuff (even a lot of money is a little thing for God), then how will I be able to trust Him in the BIG things (spiritual warfare, evil in the world, sin all around). I've got bigger fish to fry than the way my income looks or the measly $30,000 it will cost to adopt.  There is an enemy who doesn't want us to care for orphans, whom God loves and commands us to care for.

The last verse I read today was this one from Proverbs 16:

"Commit your actions to the Lord, and your plans will succeed." 

So, it appears I need to learn how to trust Him.  In everything.  Trust that He "who began this good work within [me], will continue in His work until it is finally finished."

Gosh I love that God!

If you'd like to pray for me, I'd love prayers that God will help me to continue to trust Him and for that spirit of anxiousness to subside. Also, please pray that I will be able to get an initial approval from my home study agency so I can commit to a child. This is the biggest desire of my heart today.

I'd love to pray for you all as well.  If you'd like, leave me a comment with your prayer requests, and we can pray for each other.

Lots of love to you all.