If I Have Not Love

Sam was blissfully happy today. When the nurse brought her down the stairs, I was waiting and watching in eager anticipation. We must have been quite a site to behold! When she caught a glimpse of me standing there, her little arms and legs began to dance and her face lit up with the biggest, most beautifully excited smile.

I, on the other hand, woke up today with rocks in my belly. It only took seconds of being awake to realize where I was and what was about to take place. I literally could not breath. And the tears would not stop. I prayed and cried through a long shower, knowing it was a blessing that the Lord was allowing me to feel and grieve and then pull myself together before my visit. And so that's what I did.

Yes, tears still fell occasionally as Sam and I played and sang and loved. But as far as she knew, we were having another great day together. I am so thankful for this. Today her hugs were even more trusting than before. I am now completely convinced she knows far more than anyone gives her credit for. I think she knows I'm her mama. I kissed her all over, every chance I got, and she kissed me right back; open-mouthed, sloppy, lingering kisses. There's not a gift in the world I would have rather received today.

Every time I heard movement in the hall outside our visiting room, my heart would sink a little, wondering if it was "them" coming to take her away. When a nurse finally did come, I asked Mitko, through tears, to tell her to PLEASE take care of my baby. The woman looked at me empathetically and said, "Of course we will." I only hope she could see how very much my little girl is worth in my eyes, and that she will answer my request with more than just words. With genuine care and respect for a child of God. With love.

If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.


Anna pointed out today that no amount of physical care can make up for a love. Even if the children of Pleven were changed regularly, fed properly, and given sufficient stimulation and education...it would all be for naught without love. So, until the Lord sends people with Love and JESUS in their hearts to care for these children, I pray He will send guardian angels to protect them, to hold them, to show them love. I especially pray this for my Sam. After such a wonderful week of loving each other, I pray her mind and heart would be protected. That she would not feel abandoned. That she would feel hopeful and absolutely loved and cared for by Her Father.


Please join me in praying for my Samantha. Pray that she will be able to endure the rest of her time at Pleven, and that she will cling to memories of this joy-filled week we shared. Pray that her "care-givers" will be completely overtaken by LOVE, by the power of God's Holy Spirit. And pray for the paper work I will start immediately upon my arrival in the USA. I just learned that the Bulgarian Court System will be shut down for summer vacation from mid-July to mid-September. Pray that our kind and merciful Father will move Sam's case through the court system BEFORE mid-July. I'm told by my attorney that this is not impossible. And with God, it is certainly VERY possible!


Before I sign off, I have to tell you all that your prayers are being felt here. Today has certainly been difficult, but there have been moments when I have experienced the peace that surpasses all understanding. Moments like these are a gift. Please keep praying.

Love.